


To Feel the Sky Within my Reach

by aceofhearts88



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7430153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofhearts88/pseuds/aceofhearts88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was like I was up there just to watch.”</p><p>He is always falling for the ones who fall</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sam

The first time they met, Sam was fidgeting on his feet, trying to stand still and casual at parade rest, but also itching to move or just reach out a hand. It was the day Riley and him would get the wings, no more tests with prototypes, no more fittings to have them be perfect for them, the real deal, the real wings.  
The Falcon Program would finally be out in the open. Out in combat. They would be able to help people, save people.

“Stop drooling and breathe, buddy.” Riley had hissed at him and Sam turned his head slightly to scowl at him, they had become more than just close friends over the run of the last few months of intense training, had made that one step over into something they really needed to talk about. He had a comeback on his lips but got stopped when the door at the side of the hangar they had been called into for the presentation got opened and their Commanding Officer stepped out with the man who had helped create the Falcon Program.

Colonel James Rhodes.

Behind them some more staff and engineers entered the hall, but it was Rhodes Sam focused on now as their CO got to talk, grand speeches weren’t Sam’s thing, not when they sounded as if the speeker had practiced them in front of the mirror for hours. He respected his CO, but he didn’t like the man, he loved his own voice way too much most of the time.

The wings got revealed, everyone oohd and ahhd, Sam was almost bouncing on his feet and even calm Riley was by then grinning brightly. They looked amazing, they looked like they needed to be tested out and Sam could barely keep himself from just snatching his away and flying circles around base.  
“Looks good, hm?” Sam jumped a little when Rhodes approached him and Riley after the big fanfare was over and their CO mingled himself among the engineers and technicians.

“Yes, Sir.” He answered and the older man laughed, one hand reaching up to pat Riley’s shoulder and then mess up his mob of blond hair when Riley tried to duck away, embarrassed, but no one really paid any attention to them anyway. They knew each other, Riley and Rhodes, Sam could easily recall the half dozen stories Riley had gloated with in the last weeks, ever since they had been told that Rhodes would be present for their first tryout.

“Cut it out, Jimmy.” Riley snapped very quietly now, and Rhodes snorted, reached up with even more determination now and turned Riley’s hair into a bird nest. Riley growled but couldn’t exactly get revenge on the man who ranked several steps higher than them. Sam had been mildly shocked when Riley had casually thrown out that the man who was co-leading the Falcon Program and had helped develop the wings was also the guy who had babysat Riley from ages zero to five. 

The Colonel was one of Riley’s oldest friends, had supported him the most in his decision to join the army and then apply for the special force, and Sam was hyped to actually meet him now.

“Anyway, this is Sam, the guy I told you about.” Riley recovered quickly again, frantically smoothing down his hair again while Rhodes held out a hand to Sam, who took it.  
“It’s nice to meet you, Sam. I’ve heard a lot of amazing things about you. Can’t wait to see some of that with my own eyes.” Rhodes said and Sam smiled, he glanced over to Riley, who blushed and looked away.

\--

They held contact over the new few months as Riley and him jumped from mission to mission and brought home success after success. Rhodes led some of their rescue missions, but more and more he asked after their experiences with the wings, inquired after possible improvements to make the job easier, wanted them to feel completely and entirely safe with what they were working with.

In the beginning it was mostly Riley who threw in a call to his old friend from time to time that was less about the tech and more about the stress of the job. Rhodes had had so many tours already, the man was a legend. Riley talked about the stress to Rhodes, called him when he was homesick, but after a while, after they finally got their shit together and actually talked and said those magic words, Riley and Rhodes also talked about them.

And Sam sometimes joined them. 

Most of the time though, he watch Riley talk, watched how his entire face lit up when he could openly talk to someone who was also family, no secrets, no tip-toeing around half truths. He watched how Riley's shoulders lost the tension and the mountains they always seemed to carry, how he turned around to face Sam after every video call, mood and spirits lifted, entirely focused on him then. 

Video calls from the desert or the mountains in Afghanistan while they were waiting for a storm to pass over. Moments after missions had not been as easy as first thought of, when they both needed a little pick me up. When they had doubts, when they got scared.

Rhodes was always there. 

He never laughed at them, always took them serious and always knew just what to say to have the dark clouds in their heads disappear again.

\--

Sam loved Riley. 

Riley loved Sam.

They wanted to marry, were planning a future together, dreamed about their future.

And then everything changed.

\--

Riley fell.

Riley died.

And Sam lost everything.

Sam could only watch, could only watch as the man he loved so much, the man he had wanted to marry someday, was falling and falling and falling.

No one screamed.

Riley was dead before he even hit the ground.

And Sam couldn't breathe.

Sam apprehended Khalid Khandil, handed him over to the squadron leader and then couldn’t remember the next eight hour that it took to get back to base.

The next thing he remembered was sitting by Riley’s coffin, waiting for the plane to arrive that would take them back home. He remembered sitting there, numb, unable to process, turning Riley's tags over and over in his hands. At that point he hadn’t had anything else but some sips of water for over 24 hours, and even the water he had only drunk because his CO has insisted and insisted.

Riley was dead.

One single RPG. 

Riley would never come back. Riley would never fly again. Riley would never smile again.

With the plane, Colonel Rhodes arrived, he guided Sam onto the plane while they strapped in the coffin, sat down next to him as the plane rolled back onto the airfield.

“Sam…I’m so sorry, I know what he meant to you.”

And Sam broke, like a dam strained to its furthest pressure point. And he cried, hot burning tears falling over his face as he screamed out the raw pain in his chest, in his heart and soul, cried for the man he had loved. Cried and screamed for the future that had been lost.

Rhodes held him, let him scream into his shoulder and clutch at his back while the pain wrecked Sam’s body and his heart. Rhodes quietly cried himself, he had lost Riley, too.

“It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, Sam. You're not alone.”

Up in the air, back in the catatonic numbness, Sam felt himself slowly drift off when Rhodey took the chain of dog tags out of his hand and set it around his neck, letting the tags scatter against Sam's own ones.

Their dog tags had been special, to them at least. Army rules were clear, but Riley and Sam had bend the loopholes in their advantage, they hadn't needed rings, their dog tags had been their rings. Forever each others. 

–

They lost contact after the funeral, Sam blamed a lot of it on his decision to leave active duty behind and concentrate on finding a life without Riley, of building himself a future he had never dared to think about. A future alone, without his best friend and love of his life at his side.

He had tried to go back, had flown one more mission that had ended with him in a violent panic attack as his head had realized that he was alone up in the air. His CO had told him to take some time, to heal, but Sam had drawn the line, had asked to be discharged and flown home. Back to DC, back to the apartment he had bought years ago.

Riley had loved it.

And the memories he had of him there, it helped to ease the blaring hole in his heart.

He saw Rhodes in the news of course, TV, newspaper, as Tony Stark's best friend it wasn't exactly uncommon to not see him appear next to the billionaire from time to time. They had joked about it before, when they had been on leave or when they had time for longer video calls, and Rhodes had talked about his side of life, groaned a lot about the craziness that came with being Iron Man's closest friend.

Sam had seen him in the War Machine suit once, had been impressed, but he still loved his wings more and missed them now. But he missed Riley most of all.

When they presented the Iron Patriot suit and Rhodes appeared with it on National Television, Sam had laughed so hard he had cried, hiccuping on the couch in front of the TV, wiping the happiest tears of a long time away again and again. Unable to stop, because that just had to be the most ridiculous appearance of all times.

He thought about calling Rhodes, about seeing if the number he had still worked, about asking him what kind of dare he had lost to wear this horrific kind of design. Riley would have peed his pants, he would have laughed so much, and it was funny then, to have that kind of revelation, that kind of memory of him and not be thrown to the ground by the pain anymore.

It was still there, still a sharp reminder that he had lost Riley forever, but it didn't rip him apart anymore.

He missed half of the Mandarin attack on Stark's Malibu mansion and the following insanity because his session at the VA had run a bit longer when someone in his group had had a really hard time and Sam had taken her for a coffee after it to talk face to face. He made it home just in time to see Tony Stark announced dead in the evening news and stared with a gaping mouth at what he had missed.

He called then, that night, still too wired to sleep, he called Rhodes without really knowing what he wanted to say, he just knew what it meant to lose your best friend, how much it hurt, but no one picked up. No one called back in the following days.

He drove to New York to his mother's apartment for christmas, watched together with her and his sister how the president got kidnapped, how everything was just crazy, how Iron Man reappeared and saved those people falling from the plane. And then the shaky news reports from the harbor, and he wondered how Rhodes was doing in all of this.

He also promised himself to never step a foot anywhere close to all this craziness.

\--

Four months later he met Steve Rogers on a morning run.

\--

Five days later he was fighting Hydra agents, a brainwashed super assassin and an egomaniac psychopath. He helped bring down an organization that until yesterday he didn't even know existed and took helicarriers out of the sky that he until yesterday also hadn't known to exist.

So much for promises.

But he got his wings back, he got to fly again and it felt so freeing. It stopped being a torture, stopped being something that felt like betrayal to Riley.

And then the freaking Winter Soldier fucking ripped off a wing. Sam would never forget that. The car he could swallow, hadn't been a beauty anyway, but never the wings. The wings, those were personal.

\--

The next time they met was well into Steve’s and Sam’s chase after the ghost that might one day become Bucky Barnes again, or at least some version of him, but who was for now playing cat and mice games with them. A witch-hunt that the mouse kept on winning, with ease.

On the fourth base they investigated for any sign of the Winter Soldier or Barnes, they ran into a lot of trouble when the base revealed itself to not be as empty as it had looked on first sight. And they were surrounded by Hydra agents quickly, leaving Steve no choice but to reluctantly call for help from the one Avenger who was on hand.

Tony Stark.

Iron Man came with repulsors blasting and concrete breaking under the armor’s fire power, but he also didn’t come alone. At his side, blasting even more agents off their feet and into small craters was War Machine, the suit controlled by Colonel Rhodes.

James Rhodes.

Sam sat back when the last Hydra goon got knocked out, just plopped down on an overturned closet to catch his breath, exhausted and adrenaline fading in his head. He watched how Stark rounded on Steve, yelling something about not even wearing a uniform, while Steve looked at his feet like a chastised child before snapping back just as loudly.

“I've been told by good sources that they are like that after a fight every time.” A familiar voice spoke up right next to him and Sam looked up, saw the War Machine suit disassemble around Rhodes and the man beneath it appear, “It's like their heads stop fighting about ten minutes after their bodies did, they'll be fine.” He told Sam and then used careful hands to turn Sam's head to the side to check on the cut that Sam had gotten during one of his fights with one of these bastards. 

“That might need stitches.” Rhodes told him and Sam nodded, so worn out, one more base, stupid fighting for nothing, nothing found, no one found. In no way closer to Barnes, Steve would go down for days again.  
“Had worse.” Sam replied and then reached for the hand Rhodes offered him to pull him to his feet, “Man, it's good to see you again.” And Rhodes laughed and drew him into a hug, gently slapping his back, mindful of the sore muscles everywhere on Sam's body after that fight.

“Same, Wilson, same. Been a long time, how have you been?” He asked and Sam snorted, stretching his legs and rolling his shoulders to stop his body from locking up.  
“I was doing quite good actually, but then that blond puppy over there turned up on my doorstep.” He chuckled, watching Steve duck away from Stark's wild gestures, “Certainly no boring evenings anymore now.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Rhodes wanted to know and Sam grinned, spend no time really thinking about it until he looked back at the older man.  
“Honestly? Great, amazing. Being able to fly again? Being able to do good up there in the air? I haven't felt that good in years, the freedom. Haven't been able to feel that close to Riley's memory in a long time.” He explained and Rhodes smiled, “Of course it's crazy, it's tiring. I'm not looking forward to see Steve be disappointed again and again, but I can do something really good.”

Their conversation was cut short when with a last “Fine!” yelled into each others' faces Stark and Steve stopped their ego contest and walked over to them, both of them suddenly grinning, looking like kids on christmas morning.

“You alright, Sam?” Steve asked as Stark sizzled up to Rhodes's side and Sam let Steve take a look at his brow himself before he answered.  
“Nothing two stitches and a day off won't cure.” He said and Steve sheepishly looked down for a short moment before he looked up again, grinning.

“Sam, I want you to meet Colonel...”

“James Rhodes.” Sam finished for him, smiling at the other man who mirrored it right back, “Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, Stevie, but I've known Jim for a long time.” And their smiles turned into grins and laughter when Steve and Stark froze in their excitement over having their best friends finally meet, or at least that was what Sam was guessing over their motivation.

“Wait, what?” Stark stuttered out after a moment and turned to glare at Rhodes, “You're with-holding people from me, honeybear?”  
“You knew I was working on the Falcon Program. Thought you were a genius, Tones, put two and two together.” Rhodes laughed and threw an arm around Sam's shoulders, “I've known the guy since the first time he stepped up for jet pack lessons.”

“You never said anything.” Steve pouted and Sam snorted, reaching up his free hand to pat blond hair.  
“When was I supposed to? While we were fighting Hydra? While you were unconscious in the hospital? Or now, where we're fighting Hydra again? I keep waiting for a quiet moment to arrive.” Sam defended himself and Steve looked guilty again. 

“Well it's a good thing then that you're coming with us back to New York.” 

“Tony.”

“No, Stevio, we've been over this. I have enough of you going out there without at least some kind of protective kevlar suit to protect you. Barnes can wait one day, you're not getting anywhere anyway.” Stark made clear and pointed a finger at Steve who huffed and crossed his arms over his chest but then nodded, “You alright with that, Wilson? Banner can stitch you back together and then we get some food and watch one of those awful movies from Steve's list.” Stark continued and Sam nodded to everything.

A break sounded wonderful.

“They're not awful movies.” Steve argued when Stark and him led the way towards the helicopter that had just touched down on the far side of the base, Sam saw Maria delegating some agents in black gear to search the area and take control.  
“Everything Barton told you is awful. By the way, assassin twins coming in tomorrow, apparently Barton got something Fury wants us to look into. He's still playing favorites, I tell yah.” Stark fell into a chatter that quickly turned into wide noise in Sam's tired head, but Rhodey kept his arm around Sam's shoulder and it kept him on his feet until he could lean back in the helicopter seat.

\--

On the evening of the next day, Sam followed Rhodey down into the maze of corridors on the lab floor, when the Avengers crew assembled to discuss whatever Fury had sent to the archer guy. He felt reborn almost, the wonders a good night of sleep and wonderful food and even better coffee could do for you.

“Is this really something non-Avengers can't know about? Or are we just getting trolled?” He asked Rhodey who laughed and turned another corner, he had asked Sam to come down with him.  
“It's more that I saved you from being pulled into their level of craziness. Trust me, there is some stuff you might want to not get involved in.” Rhodey advised and Sam snorted.

They walked into a workshop, controlled chaos that just kind of screamed Stark to him, but Rhodey was seemingly familiar with everything, walked directly towards a table in the corner where a blanket covering something created a big lump.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it.” Sam told him and then stopped a few feet in front of the table that Rhodey leaned back against, one hand reaching for an edge of the blanket.  
“You know when I heard that someone stole the Falcon pack from our high security base, I was too busy going through staff lists to even think of you, let alone think of the possibility that Romanov could have been involved.” Rhodey started and Sam patiently waited for the punch line, “And then would you look at that, just minding my business making sure that Tony stays seated on his goddamn ass for one more week of recovery, and there I see the army's missing wings flying in the sky over DC.”

“How long did it take until you knew it was me?” Sam smirked and Rhodey gave another laugh, his hand beginning to tug on the blanket.  
“About the five seconds it took me to ask Jarvis to zoom in on the footage. There he was, Sam Wilson, the cocky little guy, fighting along Rogers as if he hadn't done anything else in his life. Flying like it was his second nature.” Rhodey smiled and Sam did, too.

“Until Barnes ripped off my wing.” Sam concluded and Rhodey smirked, tugging away with the blanket in one giant swoop, Sam could only stare for a few seconds, “Oh my god, is that....”  
“Complete redesign, started up from scratch again, wanted to make sure they are the best of the best for you. Tony jumped in, talked me into some upgrades. And took the paintjob into his hands, he doesn't trust me with that anymore since...”

“You stepped out in that flashy patriotic suit?” Sam guessed and then laughed over the long suffering face Rhodey made at him, but he still walked forward and let his hands gently roam over the new Falcon pack.  
“So you saw that one, huh?” Rhodey asked and Sam snorted, and then laughed again, eyes glancing over to the other man.

“At that point, that was the best laugh I had in years, man. I cried!”

“So, you wanna try them out?” Rhodey's wish to distract was obvious but Sam jumped for it, eyes lighting up like fireworks.  
“Hell yeah!” Sam called out and both of them grinned.

\--

They went up to the roof and Rhodey helped him strap on the pack, get him buckled him right and Sam gave a fuck about making it easy and holding still. He would fly again, he had his wings back, he could soar through the sky again.

Rhodey had to slap his shoulder twice and then step on his foot to have him hold still for the short moment he needed to make sure the emergency parachute button was in reach.  
“Alright, basic controls are the same, I'll show you the new gimmicks at a time where you are actually listening to me and not just pretending to so I shut up and let you fly.” Rhodey grinned in the end and pulled Sam's goggles down over his eyes, “Sky is yours, show me what you got.”

Sam didn't let himself be asked twice and with a happy yell he let the wings unfold and jumped off of the edge of the roof, wings propelling him up right away. And he screamed, screamed, shrieked and laughed, flying higher and higher and then diving down again, feeling the wind on his face and in his hair, feeling gravity work against him and him still not going down. 

He hollered and cheered, loud and uncaring on whether or not someone could hear him, he was flying again. He was flying over Manhattan, flying high enough that he could look over to Harlem, to Brooklyn and Queens.

He was flying.

No one shooting at him, no countdown to doom running down in the background. Just him, the wings and the sky. And the warm pleasant ball of love in his heart upon the thought that Riley would smile if he could see him now.

Riley was never going to come back, but up in the sky, it was starting to feel like Sam could be closer to him again, like if he kept flying, he would never forget him.

He must have been up for almost an hour until he made for the roof of Avengers Tower again, landing perfectly and without trouble in front of Steve, Rhodey, Barton and Stark.  
“I fucking love them. I'll owe you forever.” Sam announced once he had pulled the goggles off again, grinning at Rhodey with what he hoped was gratefulness written all over his face.

“Stick around once in a while and help me stay sane among these idiots and we're even.” Rhodey offered up to him and Sam nodded.  
“So, what's the name then. Angel Wings?” Barton spoke up and Steve groaned, slapping both hands in front of his face, Stark turned around to stare at Barton, completely affronted.  
“No man or woman with tech co-created by me will fly around with a name like that. Angel Wings, what are you, five?” He hit it up with Barton, “He needs something cool like...”

“The Falcon.” Rhodey fell into Stark's sentence, stopping him short, looking at Sam though, who grinned so hard it felt like his face was cramping up.

The Falcon. 

The name Riley had used for them when he had dreamed out loud about becoming superheroes.

“Oh god, we're gonna have a fucking aviary if this continues.” Stark complained and then jumped when Barton had pinched him hard in the back, “Fuck you, Katniss!” Barton and him bickered on their way inside and then there was silence until Steve spoke up.

“I like it, sounds awesome.” He said and grinned at Sam who smiled back, both of them had done an evening and a whole day of doing nothing very good.

\--

Turns out, fighting Hydra from up in the air was fucking neat.

Made everything easier.

\--

Rhodey gave him his new number in a Stark Phone that half the Avengers insisted on, paranoid bunch of mother hens that they all were, safe phone, safe connection, safe Sam apparently. He still felt happy though that they considered him somehow a part of their family, made him repeat twice that in case of an emergency out of his control he would use the phone and call for their help.

It also helped that Avengers business called and Steve got distracted from the desperate search for a man who really really didn't want to be found, something about Asgardians and scepters. Sam had chosen to be better off not really knowing. He had promised Steve to keep looking, but he had also made clear that it would happen on his own terms now, in his own time, not rushing from one place to another without a break.

The first time the team left the country for a mission and Sam was home at the same time, it was Rhodey who called him up, asking if he was interested in hanging out. He had gotten back into DC after a brief trip for the Pentagon and was only too happy to say yes when Sam proposed a movie night at his place.

They ate take out food, drank beer that Rhodey brought and watched some really crappy movies, Stark had been right, Barton's taste was awful. They also talked, about a lot, about Steve and Barnes, about Stark, about the Avengers, about how it was so unreal to be a part of this superhero world.

And they talked about Riley.

And it felt like the best thing ever.

“He would be proud of you if he could see you now.” Rhodey told him late into the night when Sam was rummaging around the corridor closet to find the spare set of blankets and pillows he had last needed when Steve had staid over. Rhodey was leaning against the living room door, loose and barefoot, looking at home already in a place he had only set foot in hours ago.

“Failing in getting a grab on the blanket that the fucking Super Soldier shoved all up into the highest shelf?” Sam asked playfully and Rhodey chuckled.  
“No, being a hero. Fighting alongside Captain America. I'm sure he's somewhere up there right now, smiling down at you, knowing that he doesn't have to worry. You did good for yourself, Sam.” Rhodey said and Sam turned to face him, feeling flustered suddenly.

“Thank you.”

Rhodey smiled and came over to help him, together they got the blankets and pillow down. They fell asleep on the couch together, and when Sam woke up in the middle of the night, head pillowed on a warm gently rising and falling chest, he didn't even think about going up to his own bed for a second. He just closed his eyes again and turned his face to the side, listening to Rhodey's heartbeat and letting it soothe him back to sleep.

\--

A few days later, Rhodey accompanied him on another investigation, because that's what Sam was calling it now, investigations instead of ghost hunts, because investigations were also successful when you brought home even the smallest of hints.

They worked well together, laughed a lot, flirted even more and Sam was able to not feel like an utter idiot and complete loser when they came up with nothing but a single half burned picture of former Hydra scientists.

Steve would have gotten quiet, would have turned into himself and moped for days, and then gotten even more desperate. Sam had been through the circle enough times already. Rhodey was of course more detached from the situation, and it was a blessing for him. Rhodey pushed him into the next bar they could find, got them both hopelessly drunk.

Even superheroes couldn't cope sometimes.

They kissed that night in their booked hotel room, but they're both too wasted to do more, let alone remember it in the morning.

\--

The team found the scepter.

It was among the weirder texts that Sam had gotten in his life, though funnily enough the top three were all from Steve by now. 

It hadn't been the first mission out of the country, nor had it been one in the single digits, but it seemed successful in the end and Stark even threw a really big party for it. Sam took every excuse he could get to get away from dead ends and cold leads to absolute goddamn fucking nothing for a while.

And he also wanted to see Rhodey again.

Even though he didn't know where that thought had suddenly come from.

He had just missed his friend. Right?

\--

The party was great, but it was also loud and had more people around in one room than Sam had spent time with in two years. Everyone was nice, but also asked questions after questions and barely gave him a second to breathe before trying to get another funny story out of him.

It felt good to see Steve smile, to see him happy and loose and among his friends, his family, but it also made Sam aware that there was a whole world there that he didn't know, that he had chosen not to get involved in.

“Too much?” Rhodey's gentle voice asked him a couple of minutes before midnight, when he found him outside on the deck, staring out into Manhattan and the darkened other parts of New York City, with only the wind being his company.  
“A little.” He answered quietly, accepting the beer Rhodey held out to him as he sat down on the chair next to him, behind the glass the party was still in full swing, the Avengers letting loose with a successful mission at their back.

“How is your shoulder doing?” Rhodey wanted to know after a moment of silence where they had both just calmly sipped on their beers, Sam used his left hand to rub over his right shoulder. A stupid flash grenade had hit him during his latest scuffle with Hydra, prompting him to crash shoulder first into a boulder. Everyone had freaked.

“Doc says it's all good again, just need to lay off flying for another week, so I'm enjoying my forced vacation.” He explained and smiled, but Rhodey didn't really smile back, just quietly watched him intently for a long moment before he sighed. Dragging a hand over his face, he blew out a breath.  
“You know that you can stop at any point, right? Pull the curtain when it gets too much, you have a way out, Sam.” Rhodey still spoke quietly, but there was a fire behind each word, concern in his brown eyes.

Sam stared at him for a few seconds, then set his beer down on the ground and shifted until he was facing his friend, “I know. Okay? I know that there is a way out. I'm here because I want to be, not because I feel I have to. Rhodey, you don't have to worry about me.” And that had Rhodey smile again, ducking his head down for the time he needed to set his own bottle to the ground before he looked up again.

“Like you said, there is a difference between having to and wanting to.”

They stared at each other, then smiled, and then they were kissing and no one really knew how it had happened, all Sam could think about was more, he wanted more. They got to their feet and stumbled over into a dark corner of the deck without really taking their hands or lips off of each other. Rhodey pushed him against the wall of the tower, and Sam could only throw his head back and gasp for air as those warm lips burned a path along his skin, right down to his collarbone.

A thigh got pushed between his, and fuck when had he gotten this hard, his hands clutching at strong shoulders, willing his hips to show some kind of restrain and not just blindly thrust against that leg that offered such amazing friction. Lips against his again, a kiss that was hungry and desperate, more teeth and tongue than really kissing, but god, he needed more.

And thankfully Rhodey saw it the same way.

He pulled away, already breathless, his eyes glowing with want, want for Sam, his hands so strong on his waist and hip, “Come up with me. Please.” He pleaded with his voice, panting and hoarse, and Sam couldn't find his own words, just nodded, again and again.

\--

They stole themselves away from the party, made it into the Avengers only elevator without being noticed or even delayed, and Sam found himself once more pushed up against the closest wall, hands slipping under his jacket and shirt, roaming over skin. Rhodey pinned him against the elevator wall with his whole body, and Sam felt himself pushing back, his fingers busy loosening the red tie around Rhodey's neck.

They were kissing again when the elevator stopped on the floor that Rhodey had all for himself, right below the Penthouse floor. They stumbled into the dark apartment, Jarvis switching on some lamps in the living room to guide their way and make it easier to not run into any furniture as they kissed and groped and gasped their way over to the couch.

Sam pulled off Rhodey's tie and pushed off his jacket, let his own follow suit and then pushed against Rhodey's shoulders until he sank down onto the couch, hurried to climb after him. Their lips crashed together again as Rhodey grabbed hold of his hips, pulled him closer until Sam was straddling him, his hands busy opening the buttons on Rhodey's dress shirt.

Hips grinding up and down. Both of them hard. 

With some fumbling, Rhodey's shirt fell open and Sam groaned, reaching out to splay out his hand on Rhodey's chest, feeling the quick beats of his heart and the soft edges of dog tags under his palm. At least until Rhodey broke their kiss long enough to encourage Sam to get rid of his shirt.

“You're not drunk, are you?” Sam gasped, looking down at Rhodey whose fingers traced over the scar on his shoulder, his other hand resting warm and heavy on his waist.  
“No, I'm not.” He answered him, looking up to meet his eyes, his fingers sliding up Sam's neck, “I'm really not. I want you, Sam.” Empty on words again, Sam leaned down to kiss him again, one hand sliding down to intertwine his fingers with Rhodey's.

“Where is your bed?” He moaned when their kiss ended again and Rhodey pushed him off, got back to his feet and then walked backwards, pulling Sam along. Both of them smiling.

Both of them happy.

\--

“No one is chasing you away, you know. Tony's got enough guest rooms you can pick from.” Rhodey said as Sam pulled up his pants again, looking over to where he was still sprawled across the bed on his back. Naked as god had made him, “You can stay right here, I'm not gonna say no.” And Sam smiled, refastening his belt.  
“I know.” He told Rhodey who grinned up at him as he walked back to his side, leaning down to kiss him, “But I still need to go. I promised my Mom to stay with here this weekend, catch up, assure her that I'm not losing my head now that I'm hanging out with superheroes. I really need it, Jim.”

“And us?”

“I'm not the guy for a one time thing.” Sam reminded him, walking over into the living room to retrieve his shirt and jacket, getting dressed in the open doorway of the bedroom, “Unless you...”  
“No, I do. So...we'll take it slow? Keep it between us?” Rhodey asked and Sam nodded, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Keep the crazy bunch away from something this good? Hell yeah, at least for now.” Sam agreed, biting his lip, “I'll call you? Tomorrow?”  
“I would love that.” Rhodey told him and Sam grinned, before he turned and walked down the corridor towards the elevator again, grabbing the abandoned red tie on his way out.

\--

Sam was asleep when his phone buzzed some hours later.

Ultron.

\--

“How the fuck could this happen?” He snarled a day later, weekend of final recovery forgotten as he poked at the remains of a glass table in Avengers Tower, his eyes taking in the carnage after the team had gotten on a Quinjet to fly out to South Africa. 

On a hunt after a killer robot.

Sam was suddenly very happy about the amnesiac ghost he was tasked to find. Had volunteered to find. Could stop going after every time he wanted.

“You want the version where I am really pissed at my best friend right now? Or the one where I really am trying so hard to make sense of what the fuck happened to have him this scared?” Rhodey called over to him, kicking at a destroyed former Iron Legion Suit.

Maria, sitting on a stool at what had been a well stocked bar until last night, kept quiet and continued to type on her tablet.

“This is just...” But Sam's complaint was cut short when his phone buzzed again and he growled, yanking it out of his pockets and aggressively sliding his fingers over the display, his mother had been extremely pleased when they had to postpone their family time weekend because apparently the Avengers grew their own villains now.

This was why he didn't want to get involved in this.

And when he looked down at his phone, he cursed, twice, in English and French, then whined, stomped his feet and cursed one more time in Spanish.

“Something wrong?” Rhodey called over and Sam groaned, prompting Rhodey to walk over to him.  
“They spotted Barnes.” Sam bit out, “The guy has a timing that's incredible.” He snapped and then turned to bury his face in Rhodey's shoulder who brought up a hand to slowly pat his back, “Can you promise me to keep me in the loop about this mess while I'm stomping through Italy?” 

“Of course.” Rhodey told him and they shared a grim smile, both of them worried about their friends, mostly about them tearing each others' heads off, “You promise me to look after yourself?”  
“I promise.” Sam said, but it felt like something else when he looked into brown eyes, like something way more meaningful.

\--

Maria got him a flight, first class because Tony paid even though he was not aware of it yet, and Sam was still grumbling over his life choices when he dropped into his seat, only to come face to face with a by now familiar face, surrounded by blond hair.

“What are you doing here?” His mouth blurted out before he could stop himself, blinking at the smiling blonde woman, who then rolled her eyes and punched his arm, making sure to hit the good one.  
“Overtime, you see? Had to throw in some vacation days, thought why not spend them hiking through Italy.” She told him, grinning and pulling out a pair of headphones, “There is certainly worse company than you to hang out with.”

“Just feeling the love, Carter, just feeling the love.” Sam declared and leaned back, closing his eyes. He smiled when Sharon kissed his cheek before getting comfortable herself.

Having someone to talk trash with made the whole journey and the trip up north from Rome certainly easier and took his mind away from the worry about Steve and the others. Then his StarkPhone went wild, and they came across urgent breaking news when they stopped for gas at a station outside of Milan.

Pictures of a destroyed street in St.Johannesburg.

Replayed footage of the Hulk and Iron Man fighting in the middle of a busy street.

“Tell me they're okay!” He cried out into his phone when he finally picked up Rhodey's call, Sharon had pulled her own phone to her ear.  
“They got out. Okay but shaken, Maria briefly talked to them, they're gonna lay low. Safehouses, Barton and Romanov got plenty. Are you okay?” Rhodey wanted to know, sounding wired, his breathing told Sam that he was walking, hurriedly.

“I'm fine, we haven't even reached the destination yet. What the fuck happened, Jim?” He wanted to know, frowning at another rerun of the footage, Iron Man trying to take down the Hulk. No sign of Steve, Natasha, Clint or Thor. Just Tony and Banner. Sam's heart was cringing together painfully.  
“Ultron made friends with some enhanced kids. You remember what Steve and Tony said about the base they found the scepter in?” Sam hummed as a sign that he did, “The girl's a telepath or mind manipulater, messed with their heads, set the Hulk loose.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, that. Listen, Sam, stay low. You're not an Avenger, but people know that you're a friend of Steve's and the world is not happy about them right now.” Rhodey advised and Sam dragged a hand down his face, sighed, long and heavy.  
“What are you gonna go?” He asked and finally turned away from the TV screen, looking outside at the small Italian village.

“Finding someone to help in this mess?” Rhodey grumbled, Sam was surprised when he could read in the deep notes in his voice just how worried sick he was, “Fury is said to be in London, I'm gonna try my luck.” Rhodey continued, a door opened in the background and Sam could now hear Rhodey's steps echoing a little.

“Stay safe.” He couldn't help but say in a slight begging tone, Rhodey gave a small noise that sounded pleasant and warm.  
“I will.” He promised, quietly and soft, and despite the seriousness of the situation Sam felt a warm shiver run down his back, “I'll call when something new comes up. Talk to you soon, Sam.”

“You too, Jim.”

\--

Barnes was of course nowhere to be found and Sam didn't even kid himself of being able to find anything, his head wasn't in the game anyway. 

His StarkPhone had supplied them with a constant stream of the news, and South Korea had been a complete mess. He had flinched when he had seen Steve fighting on the truck against that fucking killer robot with a world domination plan. And then he had been goddamn ready to get on a plane and fly right back to the States when Steve had the nerve to ask how Italy was when he called.

The two enhanced kids formerly having been under Hydra's thumb were now working for them, the speedster and the little witch and apparently there was some kind of sentient being with a cape now, too and they were flying out to goddamn Sokovia to stop the world from being destroyed.

And Steve really needed to fucking learn what conversations to have over the phone and what not.

“They're insane, Jim! They have lost their minds, there is no way in hell they're gonna make it out of this mess alive!” He yelled out where he was pacing in his hotel room in Turin, completely freaking out, twenty minutes after he had gotten off the phone with Steve. His head couldn't stop providing him with the thought that this could have been his last words ever with Steve, the last conversation ever he could have had with the man who had become his best friend.

And they had argued.

Argued while Steve was maybe flying into a certain death.

“I snapped at him. Oh my god, I snapped at him. I told him he was crazy. I told him he fucking needs to stop sacrificing everything for the world.” He recalled and just sank down to his knees in front of the bed, leaning his head down on it, “He could die, he could fucking die and I just yelled at him.” His chest was feeling too tight and he couldn't breathe, why couldn't he fucking breathe.

“Sam?”

He hadn't been angry with Steve, of course he hadn't, he had just been worried because this was getting too much, this was all moving too quickly and there was no way they still had anything under control, and who told them that these kids wouldn't turn on them again. He gasped into the mattress, his phone only inches from his face, set on speaker.

“Sam, can you hear?”

He had no idea where Sharon had gone, there was no fucking trace of Barnes having ever been anywhere near this fucking city. And what was Sam going to do if he did find the guy? What was he supposed to say to him if Steve died today? Look him in the eye and ask him to come home to a world where the only person who had managed to break through his programming was no longer there? 

He had let Steve in, he had let him in and he trusted him, he cared about Steve. He cared about Natasha and Barton. He cared about Stark, and Banner and Thor, even though he barely knew them. He was done with losing people, he couldn't lose any more friends, he couldn't take this again.

“Sam, I need you to listen to me. Sam? Can you hear me, Sam?”

Jim. Jim was talking. Jim was talking to him.

“Yeah, I can hear you.” He whispered, his chest still aching, breaths too fast and too shallow, fingers coming up to clutch at the sheets, trying to ground himself, knees pressing into the hard ground of the hotel room floor.  
“Good. It's gonna be okay, you hear me? It's gonna be okay. I know this looks bad, looks really really bad, but New York did, too, and they made it out of that alive and in one piece. End of the world scenario, that's the moment where Steve and Tony shine, they got this, we just have to believe in them. I know this is hard, believe me, I've been through this before, but we gotta stay positive.” Rhodey spoke and spoke, talked to him, steady and calm and he was worried too, but Sam was still able to latch onto the hope in his voice.

“Tony and Banner created this mess, you can be sure that they're gonna find a way out of this again. I know that Steve and Tony are pissed at each other right now, but they know when to push their egos to the side. It's gonna be okay. And they're not alone anyway, I got backup on the way.” Rhodey added the words that had Sam's heart at first settling down and then jumped into a frenzy again.

“You're going there?” He gasped out and then cried out quietly when his chest burned, like a knife stabbing itself through his lungs. Fuck, panic attacks still sucked. He could faintly hear Rhodey curse.  
“Sam, Sam, listen to me. It's gonna be okay!” He started up quickly again, more urgent now, worried and concerned for him now, and no longer just for the friends they were both scared for, “Listen, I found Fury, I found what he built up again. We have a helicarrier, we're already over Germany. We're gonna get there and help them and it's gonna be okay.”

No, no, no.

His mind repeated it for him over and over again. No, this couldn't be happening. Not him. Not Jim. He could not sit here and fucking wait while Jim joined the others in a battle over the fucking end of the world.

Not after what happened.

Not after what happened two fucking nights ago.

Not after he had dared to open that so guarded part of his heart again.

“I need to be there.” He croaked out and gasped for new air, headache pounding behind his eyes now.  
“No, Sam, no.” Rhodey whispered, he sounded pained, as if he could feel how much it hurt, how much it hurt to know that the person you might as well be falling in love with was flying into danger to save your friends, “Sam, I swear to you, we'll come out of this alright. All of us. But I need you to stay put in this one.”

“But...”

“You can't fly, you can't fight.” Rhodey reminded him, “The doctors were clear on that. Your shoulder still needs rest. I know you want to help, but I really want you to stay on the out for this one, Sam. Please, for me.” Rhodey was begging, he was actually begging and Sam felt tears burning behind his eyes.

“Okay.” He answered quietly, just breathing the words past his lips, “Okay...”

“I need to go now, but I promise you the second this is over, the first moment I have, I'll call you, or I'll have Steve call you.” Rhodey promised and Sam said okay another time and then the line went dead. Sam buried his face in the sheets and screamed, and then cried, burning tears falling over his face as he cursed everyone and everything.

Helpless, he felt fucking helpless.

Unable to do fucking anything.

Breaking apart because his best friends were walking into a death trap and fucking knew about it, freaking knew what might happen and still went, because they were heroes. They were superheroes and had sworn themselves to protect the world, and Sam was grounded. And for just right now, as he knelt beside the bed and screamed his pain into the mattress, he hated their selflessness, he hated their big kind hearts, hated their constant willingness to throw themselves on the bomb if it meant just saving one more person.

He cried and screamed and sobbed for what felt like an hour, and then felt even worse. 

Not wanting to sit still and mope like a child any longer, Sam went to take a shower and then slipped back into his hiking boots and the heavy jacket, grabbing his keys and his phone and was distinctively not looking at the TV once. He knew he wouldn't be able to stand the footage, wouldn't be able to deal with a live coverage of this mess without losing his sanity, so he went out.

Went out and looked around the city again, looked over the forest paths again that stretched out behind the store Barnes had supposedly been spotted at. He walked in anger, in fear and worry, and channeled everything into finding even the smallest signs of his least favorite ghost.

“If you can hear me, you bastard, I want you to listen closely. I hate you right now.” Sam muttered into the thick forest after some hours, “I fucking hate you right now, because if it wasn't for you, and chasing after you like some goddamn cat on a hunt, I wouldn't have gotten hurt and I could be there with them right now. Helping! And I fucking hate you for that, that I'm here, looking for someone who doesn't even want to be found, who is probably quite happy living far away from all this shit.” He snapped in the end and kicked at a tree, then punched it and then did it again.

And then he cried out and cursed the tree for being so fucking thick and hard.

And if Barnes had been around, he sure as well wouldn't come out now, Sam thought to himself as he cradled his hand to his chest and blew his breaths out of his nose, still angry. He made his way back into the city, his phone dead silent on his hip and his hand throbbing painfully.

\--

He took another shower when he was back in his room, then ordered room service and ate without really tasting anything, the black TV screen mocking him and taunting him until he turned his back on it.

He was playing some mindless app games on his phone as the sun began to set outside when said phone began to ring and in his shock and panic he threw it away from himself. His phone made a beautiful curve in the air and then slid under the closet, Sam shrieked and threw himself after it, landing on his stomach and chest on the ground, both hands immediately fumbling for the buzzing treacherous piece of shit.

“Don't stop, please don't stop.” He begged and then hissed when he twisted his hurt hand to get the phone out, which was still ringing loudly, “Yes!” He yelled into it once he had stabbed his finger onto accept.  
“Hey, Sam, boy it feels good to hear your voice.” Steve announced and Sam rolled onto his back, right there on the ground, felt all fight drain out of his body, one hand coming to rest over his eyes, the other one holding the phone to his ear.

“Steve...is everyone okay? I couldn't...I couldn't watch the news, I...” He heard Steve breathe heavy and wondered how exhausted he had to be to sound this beaten again, he knew how much Steve could take, how much it took to get him really powered out, but this time it sounded more like emotional exhaustion.  
“We're gonna live.” Steve began, “I don't know how many people died in the city, but we saved a hell of a lot of people. We lost the speedster kid, he sacrificed himself to save Clint and a child.”

Oh fuck.

“I'm sorry, Steve, I'm so sorry.” He said quietly, he hadn't known the boy, had only heard what Rhodey and Maria had told him, but even if he had been part of the team only briefly, his loss would be felt and mourned.  
“Ultron is destroyed, as is the city. It's all a big mess, people are going to hate us forever.” Steve whispered almost and Sam was quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“Maybe they will, but you did your best, you did everything you could. All of you, the people can't ask for than that, it has to be enough.” Sam told him and Steve laughed weakly, in the background he could hear other voices.

“I asked Maria if we could get you, there is a lot of stuff the team needs to talk about, I have a feeling there might be some changes coming up, and there is something I need to ask you, something I can't do over the phone. She sent a jet to get you.”

\--

Sam became an Avenger.

Rhodey did, too.

Banner left, Stark and Barton retired.

A new team.

And Sam wanted to scream his joy into the world and hide himself under his bed at the same time.

Excited and scared shitless.

And he knew without a doubt that Riley would have been proud. Of him and Rhodey.

\--

Sam left DC behind but couldn't stomach selling the apartment that he loved so much, so he rented it out, interviewed half a dozen people until he found a young woman who he felt was right for the walls he would miss so much. 

The New Avengers Facility was in Upstate New York and every city kid in the team complained and whined for a long time in the beginning weeks, Sam and Rhodey included, finding all negative consequences of living this far off any kind of good civilization. The only benefit the facility had was that Tony had built it and Rhodey had swooped in when it had come to place rooms, resulting in Sam and him having rooms side by side, at the end of the corridor on the top floor that aside from them only had guest rooms for Tony and Clint if they ever came around again.

Sam had taken him apart with lips, tongue and hands that first night to say thank you.

Rhodey had thanked him for that in the morning with slow thrusting hips, drawing out Sam's orgasm until he saw stars.

The first months were spent with training, with awkward team hang-outs to get to know each other, to make the real newbies feel welcome and a lot of sex on Rhodey's and Sam's part. They didn't talk about what they had, didn't bother to waste any time in figuring out what kind of name or label they could put on it, they had fun, they made each other feel alive and happy. They were each other's grounding presence, the united front against Steve's drill sergeant routines.

The only ones on the team who could actually cook more than just sticking frozen meals into the oven.

It was a beautiful time, to see the team growing together, to see Wanda slowly begin to live again, to see how they could drive Steve utterly crazy, how well they could work together.

And Sam admired how he saw himself truly falling in love again.

Rhodey and him flirted a lot, didn't really make a secret out of looks and one-liners, only what happened behind closed doors remained their secret for now. Not because they didn't want the others to know, not because they didn't trust them to accept them and congratulate them, both of them knew their friends would understand. They kept it between themselves because it made them happy, it was something precious between two people who had lost so much already, and they needed to protect it.

\--

There came a point though where Sam found it impossible though to not at least talk to Steve about it, needing someone to know, to understand, to get it.

Rhodey had been out on a small mission for the military, still associated with them and willing to help when it came to missions and operations he had previously been involved in. And Sam had screamed itself awake from a nightmare in the second night he had been gone, nothing too unusual, with big responsibility came big demons in the darkness, they all knew it, they all more or less dealt with it in their own ways.

The nightmare hadn't even been about Rhodey or Riley or Steve or anyone else from the team. Just something stupid, something he couldn't even remember anymore really after some minutes of being awake, but something that left him with a sour taste in his mouth and bees in his veins.

So Sam found himself walking down into the living room, and was not really surprised when he found Steve sitting on the couch, two lamps with dimmed lights on around him as he read in the file that was no longer really growing in size. Even Steve had started to understand that they couldn't find a man when he was doing everything to not be found, it hurt to see the desolation on his face sometimes, but Sam was also proud that Steve had seen reason in the end, if reluctantly so.

They had other problems by now.

For example the other file that laid on the table in front of Steve, that fucking ugly cocky asshole face smirking up at him as he walked by to sit down on the end of the couch, pulling up his legs in the next moment and leaning against the legs Steve had bend to use his thighs as a reading surface.

“What's up?” Steve asked quietly after a few minutes of silence between them, only broken by the swoosh of paper being turned over, and Sam felt blue eyes watching him over the top of Barnes' file.  
“Stupid dreams.” He mumbled, turning his face into Steve's shins to stop looking at Crossbones' fucking face.

“Wanna talk about it?” Steve wanted to know and closed the file in his hands, letting it drop upon Rumlow's face like they had dropped the building on him all these fucking months ago.  
“Not really something to talk about.” Sam told him and felt how Steve leaned back, “Why are you up?” He questioned in return and Steve snorted, catching onto the evading tactics, but then he sighed and the noise he made told Sam that he was dragging hands through his hair and down his face.

“Head's too loud, but what's new about that? I'm worrying, also not a new development, been asking myself a lot lately if we're ready.” Steve spoke quietly and half muffled behind his fingers, and Sam looked up, watched Steve over his knees.  
“Ready for what?” He asked and Steve blew out another breath before dropping his hand and meeting his eyes, “Ready for another world ending scenario? I doubt anyone could give you an answer to that.”

“I know.” Steve agreed and then chuckled, “Maybe I'm just getting bored, sitting still too much.” Sam disagreed with that, the guy had them running for an hour every second day at the fucking crack of dawn, he sometimes felt as if he was in basics, Rhodey had been playing with the idea to just fucking play rank on Steve one of these days to keep him from running them through the damn forest, but he didn't say anything, let Steve go on, “Since DC I haven't had down time that wasn't solely used on just getting strength back to go out again.”

Tell me about it, Sam grumbled in the privacy of his head.

“So how about I make us some coffee and you tell me what is really going. Stop thinking that I'm blind to everything, Sam.” Steve said and narrowed his eyes at him and Sam groaned, pulled back so that Steve could stand up and thought about his words again. Thought about how to start while he watched Steve make coffee that would surely taste awful again.

It did taste awful but Sam drank it anyway.

And decided to just get out with the truth, rip the band-aid off in one go.

“Rhodey and I are sleeping with each other.”

And there went the terrible coffee.

Steve was laughing, coffee dripping down his chin and already staining his shirt, and he barely managed to not drop the remaining cup all over Barnes' file as he set it down on the table. One hand coming up to touch his chest as he leaned forward, Sam gaped at him, coffee cup still raised to his lips.

“Well this is not what I had expected.”

“Oh my god, you should have seen your face. Why are you so nervous about this?” Steve asked him when he finally had himself under control again, scowling at his ruined shirt.  
“Oh, I don't know, maybe because nobody knew? Maybe because you're the first person I'm telling about this? Maybe because we're teammates? And why are you smiling like this?” Sam demanded to know and Steve only grinned harder.

“Because I knew. I may be oblivious but I'm not stupid.” Steve clarified for him and Sam felt as if he had stepped into the twilight zone, “It's been obvious to me for months that Rhodey and you have been doing more than just flirting.”  
“And you never said anything?” Sam wanted to know, surprised and confused, Steve shrugged his shoulders and picked up his coffee again.

“Why should I? You were happy, he was happy. You look happy and content together. You're my best friend, it's still your sex life. I don't care with whom you're sleeping as long as you don't risk exposing sensitive information, which clearly won't be the case with Rhodey.” Steve spoke calmly, but with a smile, and Sam couldn't help but smile back at him, “So...friends with benefits?” Steve guessed and hearing those words come out of his mouth just felt fucking weird.

“Something like that.” He agreed and set his empty mug down on the table, Steve watched him, he could easily feel curious blue eyes on the side of his face and slowly turned to face him.  
“But you want more?” Steve guessed and Sam groaned a little, “Do you love him?” He threw the one question out into the open that had been racing around Sam's head so many times already in the last weeks.

“I think I do.” 

\--

It was like everything felt lighter once that revelation had set roots in his head, had thrown out branches into his heart and soul, and let everything feel so much better and warmer. 

He loved Rhodey. He fell in love with him and now he loved Rhodey.

He loved him.

And when Rhodey came back, he would talk to him.

\--

Fate was a bitch.

And suddenly everything was happening too fast.

\--

Going after Crossbones and his men in Lagos was a nightmare from start to finish, Sam had carried a bad feeling in his gut from the second he had stepped into the Quinjet to fly out to Africa. Natasha and Wanda had been laughing, giggling and making plans for something for when they were back, Steve had quietly steered the jet and had let him shift around nervously in the seat next to him.

Something wasn't right.

Rhodey had still been away with his army division and Vision had staid behind, not exactly fit for a mission that most of all needed blending in and undercover finesse. Rumlow was not dumb, as psychopathic and egocentric as he could be, as much of an asshole and pig he could be, he was smart, you didn't become STRIKE leader without skills.

At first it looked like everything was going as planned, but then it went south and before he knew what was happening he heard the explosion across the market place and saw the fire eating its way up the building. 

He tried his best, pushed himself as far as he could but he could only help so many people out of higher stories, could only carry so many at once. 

The ride home was the worst eight hours he had ever spent on a plane, including the trip home with Riley in a coffin, everything in and on his body hurt, every step brought tears to his eyes and he couldn't stop thinking of all those screaming people, of the mess they had created, of the lives that had been lost. All he wanted then was to shower and sleep, to ignore everything and everyone until it stopped hurting, until he could move his arms again without whimpering and cringing as the pain burned along his muscles.

Back on base, Rhodey was waiting for them. His eyes on Steve.

“Secretary Ross will come by. Tomorrow. Tony warned ahead, things are not looking good right now.”

\--

And then Sam lost everything. Again.

The ground got ripped out from under his feet. Again. No saving parachute, no safety net, no anchor to keep him from falling or drifting off.

Too fast. Too hard. Again.

\--

He knew exactly when his head just gave up on comprehending what was going on, when everything inside of him just switched onto the constant repeat of 'no, this isn't happening, no, this isn't happening'. When his brain refused to click itself back into the game, when the knitted hole in his heart got ripped open again, one carefully woven seam at a time, until his heart was screaming louder and louder, when his own anger gave away to screaming disbelief.

Rhodey agreed with the Accords.

Rhodey believed in the Accords.

And Sam couldn't understand, couldn't see it, couldn't follow. He could only stare at Rhodey as Steve and Tony really got into it, when Tony snapped louder and Steve hit back harsher, he could only look at those brown eyes and not understand how this was still the same person that he loved so much. How this mean looking back at him now was the same whom he had carved a place inside his heart for. 

It hurt. 

It hurt so bad. 

After everything that had happened, after everything they had seen unfold in the last years. After what Ross had done to Banner, after what the WSC had been ready to do to Manhattan. After Shield and Hydra. After Insight and DC. And Rhodey still believed the governments were in any way able to get the right to control them?

List them?

Like some rabid dogs ready to put on a leash and punished if they acted not according to plan?

Sam felt sick, couldn't breathe and still couldn't look away from Rhodey, who stared right back at him, no more smiles on his lips or in his eyes. Looking at Sam as if he was asking himself the same question.

Who are you?

\--

Peggy Carter was dead. And Steve was lost.

And Sam...Sam needed to be there for him.

\--

They left for London right away, so quickly in fact that Sam had absolute no time to talk to Rhodey about anything, to do more than share another glance with him as he dragged his backpack down the main corridor, spotting Rhodey talking with Tony and Vision.

It burned like fire inside his veins.

It burned him from the inside, but he couldn't feel anything now. Just numb.

\--

Suddenly everything was speeding up, time was running out on them. Everything was happening faster and faster. Events speeding up, the world moving like a rollercoaster around him.

Only Sam seemed to stand still, frozen inside his own mind.

\--

Barnes. Vienna.

The police forces had permission to shoot on sight.

Sam forgot to ask Sharon if that was extended to people caught helping Barnes as well.

\--

He was already not feeling anything anymore when the Vienna bombing happened, just acting on pure autopilot mode, heart numb, just sheer rational thinking having him speak and move. Had him follow Steve to Vienna, had him follow Steve to Bucharest, had him let Steve confront Barnes alone, had him chase after Barnes, Steve and that man in the black cat suit.

Too fast.

All three of them. Time. The World. His life.

Everything was moving too fast. Sam couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't push himself, couldn't keep up. His body was there, his body was fighting, his mind was gone, far far away.

And then Rhodey was holding a repulsor pointed at him. 

At the others, too, but Sam could only see himself. Himself, standing there in the direct line of fire, just one command and he would hit Sam right in the chest. Just one command to the suit, one twitch of a finger and War Machine...and Rhodey could hurt him, kill him.

Sam couldn't look at him, couldn't look at Steve, couldn't look at Barnes, couldn't look at Sharon in the background or at Wakanda's new king glowering at Barnes once he had taken off the mask. He could only look at the gauntlet of the War Machine suit, could only look at the repulsor pointed his way and wondered for the first time in his life how he had pictured his last day on earth to look like.

Certainly not like this.

\--

They got taken to a facility in Berlin and Rhodey was nowhere to be seen. Nowhere. Just Stark and Natasha suddenly, angry and pissed, and Sam asked himself how this could have all gone so wrong so quickly. How everything they had worked up to had been lost so quickly again with just a flip of a finger.

He was free-falling, his head still frantically trying to catch up, to fit pieces together, to just please please please give him a second to breathe.

He didn't get it of course.

One moment he was watching Steve and Tony talk, then he was bitching over the treatment of his wings. The damn wings. The fucking wings that Rhodey made him. And then suddenly Barnes was looking like having been gripped by a seizure, the man who was supposedly a psychologist was walking in circles around them and then the whole facility got gripped by a blackout.

And then alarms.

Everywhere.

Sam's ears were ringing and his stomach was heaving, his throat was too tight and there wasn't enough air in his lungs and he was running and running and running. 

Fighting the Winter Soldier. More running. 

People were in a panic, screaming and crying and Sam fought his way through them with elbows and hips, keeping his head low. Only one goal in mind, find Steve, find Steve and find him alive. That he saw the helicopter crashing down into the river was a coincidence, but then he did his best to run down, follow the river along the promenade until he saw Steve pulling Barnes' unconscious body onto the shore.

They stole another car.

Drove off. Away. Didn't matter where. Just go go go. 

\--

It wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

Steve left him to watch Barnes, restrained and trapped as he was for the moment, he called Clint, again, and Sam hadn't even noticed that he had called him before already. He hadn't thought of Wanda and he wanted to throw up again, wanted to punch himself for not thinking of the one teammate the government would want most of all.

To blame for what happened in Lagos. To trap and put behind bars, to analyze and study like an animal.

\--

There were more Winter Soldiers.

No words. No emotions. No breaths. No thoughts.

\--

Sharon. Their weapons. Clint, Wanda, Scott.

For a second, Sam thought he had it back under control, his fate back in his own hands, finally back on even ground, no longer just a passenger in this nightmare race to hell.

Steve called to suit up and Sam made a joke out of introducing Barnes to Redwing, prompting the man to look at him as if he was the one in need of some brain work. Sam grumbled and put as much distance between them as possible in the damn parking garage to get suited up.

He got so far as putting on the pack and letting the wings unfold for the initial set up test before he found himself on his knees and throwing up. His whole body heaving and pulsing as if it was trying to turn itself inside out.

Rhodey had made those wings for him. Rhodey had wanted to make him happy with these wings. He had wanted to see him fly again. Rhodey and him had worked together to find updates, had worked together with Stark in implementing them into the tech.

Rhodey had made him Redwing for his birthday. Rhodey had made the little guy for him after Sam had so many times joked about wanting a bird as a sidekick, not a toy, a sidekick. He had joked about that when they had been lying in bed, chests still heaving with gasping breaths, their bodies still covered in sweat. He had dreamed out loud when they had been watching movies together, when they had been alone on base and had watched baseball games, Rhodey's fingers stroking through his hair and Sam playing footsie with his bare feet.

Rhodey had chosen the Accords.

Warm hands on his neck brought him back and he found himself staring up into Steve's worried face, Barnes actually hovering at his shoulder with something resembling concern on his face, the other three not far away as well.

“Sam, can you stand up?”

He could. Steve gave him a towel to wipe his face with and Barnes pushed a bottle of water into his hands, Sam drank and spit, cleaned his mouth and then shoved as many chewing gum into his mouth as he could, he didn't even care where Barnes had gotten them.

He pushed every question away, physically shoved Steve away when he tried to quietly talk to him, he couldn't talk, he didn't want to, he only wanted this to be over. Over and out. He wanted to turn back time. He wanted his life back.

\--

They fought.

They actually fought each other.

\--

He always was falling for the ones who fell.

One moment could change your life forever.

Sam knew just how true that was.

He just never thought it would happen to him again.

\--

His head came back to him during the fight, cleared up, pushed every kind of emotion to the sidelines and he just focused on the task ahead. 

Distract and occupy Stark and Rhodey long enough to let Steve and Barnes reach the Quinjet.

He fought to take down, not out. He had that one moment of clarity when he realized that Rhodey was not aiming at him, just aiming to keep him occupied, just like Sam did. He saw how Natasha and Clint were pulling their punches. How Wanda and Vision refused to really fight. How this kid and Scott only played. How Barnes just defended himself. The only ones out for blood were Steve and Stark. And the Panther guy, but Sam couldn't get a read on him, and frankly, if he had seen him father die he would have been angry, too.

They had a way to fix this, to move past this, if no one got hurt, they could fix this, fix the divide between them. He hadn't lost Rhodey, he hadn't, they would just need to talk, they could safe what they had never named. Sam was not giving up on him, or the team. The one team. One team of Avengers. They just needed to stop and talk.

It was a one split second decision. 

Just one blink of an eye.

He saw the laser, ducked, rolled himself out of the way in midair and then watched.

Watched and watched and watched.

Once more he could only watch. Could only watch as Vision's laser beam hit War Machine in the chest and took out the arc reactor, the suit's power cell, and then War Machine was falling.

Rhodey was falling.

\--

No...

No.

No!

NO!

\--

He pushed the wings to their absolute limit, saw Stark shooting by him in the suit but none of them were even close to being fast enough. Rhodey hit the ground like a stone. Just dropped down. Dead weight. Not moving.

Stark touched down first, threw himself on his knees next to Rhodey's unmoving suit and then ripped off the faceplate. 

Move, move, move, please move, please move an arm, please show me that you are alive, Sam's ears were ringing, his head thundering with the thoughts crashing forward with the blind panic.

Rhodey wasn't Riley. Rhodey wouldn't be Riley. Rhodey had promised him to never fall.

His heart was beating in his throat when he landed and rushed closer to Stark, and he opened his mouth and couldn't even hear what he was saying over the loud screams inside his head. Move, please just move, please just move your hand for me.

“I'm sorry.”

And then everything turned black.

\--

When he came back to himself with no idea how much time had passed, he was lying on his back in a cell, state of the art prison cell, bullet proved double mantled glass front. There was no way out of here, Clint explained to him where they had been brought to, told him about the Raft and the accusations under which they were held.

Steve and Barnes had gotten away.

Wanda didn't speak.

No one knew if Rhodey was alive.

\--

They took him for interrogation when they became aware that he was awake again, of course they did, Sam hadn't expected anything else. They asked him about Steve and Barnes, he said nothing. They asked him about their plans, he said nothing. They asked him about Wanda, he said nothing. They asked him about Lagos, he said nothing. They asked him about Vienna, he said nothing.

They asked him if he felt responsible for Rhodes, Sam lashed out.

He lost it, he screamed and let punches fly.

They laughed in his face and tranquilized him, just wrenched that syringe into his neck and threw him back into his cell.

He came out of a superhero fight unscratched, but a prison interrogation left him knocked out with drugs, sore in two many places from developing bruises and a shining black eye. If that didn't say enough about the government. And Ross.

\--

He was in the process of pacing inside this tiny hellhole of a cell to get his muscles to correspond to him again after he had sluggishly needed minutes to work himself into sitting up position and answer Clint's and Scott's frantic calls, when the door of their level opened and Tony Stark walked in.

He didn't hear Clint snapping, didn't even hear what Scott said, he just stared, frozen on his feet, his muscles still screaming at him. His head, utterly silent. At the last second before Tony arrived at his cell, he turned his back on him, couldn't let him see his face, couldn't let him see how scared he was. Scared for what would flow past his lips now.

“How's Rhodes?” He asked, devoid of any emotions, or at least it sounded like that to his own ears, always been able to detach yourself from any situation, huh Sammy-boy? Always cool, never let them see your pain. They could want to help you.

And Rhodes? Rhodes?? When did he ever call him Rhodes? He had never called him Rhodes.

“I'm gonna fly him to Columbia Medical tomorrow so...fingers crossed.” Tony told him and he could only shake his head. Shake his head and think alive but not well, alive but not well, alive but not well. Sam knew what falls like that could cause, Rhodey had landed on his back, paralysis, head trauma, internal damage.

All those possibilities were making him sick.

He turned around them, didn't care about what the other man would read on his face, it was over, Sam couldn't fight anymore. Breaking point, reached and passed long ago, reserves empty.

And Tony knew. 

Those eyes knew.

“Sam...”

Again he was shaking his head, pleading with his eyes not to bring it up, to not talk about it here, not now, not with these people watching and already knowing way too much. Tony changed course, deactivated the surveillance system for some time and asked Sam about Steve, asked him where Steve and Barnes had gone, and Sam looked at him. Looked at him and saw how sincere he was, how much he wanted to end this stupid war, end what had started as a disagreement between Steve and him truly.

He told him.

About the Winter Soldiers and Siberia.

Tony left.

Sam sat down to wait.

\--

That something had gone wrong was clear to him quite fast.

The night came, the light got dimmed. No one slept. No one came to rescue them.

\--

His brain was an interesting thing, he had been able to detach himself from any kind of situation very easily from very much early on if it meant avoiding to face one's own pain. He had always liked helping other people, making them happy and letting them feel safe, using it to avoid having to deal with his own problems.

Just bury it and move on.

It had worked until Riley had died. Then it had been too much, and Sam hadn't wanted to avoid, he had let himself grieve and be in pain, because avoiding meant forgetting Riley, and he would never let that happen.

As they all sat in silence in their waiting game on the Raft, there was a moment where Sam's heart wanted to give up again, where it cursed him for having hope and believing in Stark to fix everything, but his brain got there first and said no. No, he was not giving up hope.

Look forward. He will come.

Steve will come and get you out. He will get you out and then he would find answers.

When Scott quietly asked if they shouldn't just cooperate, Sam snapped “Steve will come.”

When Clint had his lowest point and nearly cried about never seeing his family again, Sam snapped “Steve will come.”

When the silence around them made it look as if the walls were closing in on them, Sam snapped “Steve will come.”

\--

He came.

It took longer than Sam had expected. Two more times had they dragged him off for fucking interrogation and he had said nothing, stubbornly kept his mouth shut. 

\--

Scott, Clint and Wanda left, took other paths.

Wakanda. Barnes going back into cryo. T'Challa explaining at least something to Sam while Steve refused to talk. T'Challa having information on Rhodey.

Partial paralysis in his legs. As of yet unclear if he will walk again.

And then Steve and him were on their own.

\--

Life as a wanted criminal was not what the movies always wanted you to believe.

There was nothing exciting and cool about it. Nothing adventurous.

It was cold, exhausting and at times very painful. It left you no time to relax, no time to sit back and think this is it, no more running.

Sam didn't talk much in the first few months of them constantly moving from one place to another to avoid being found by any kind of government agency. He kept a lot to himself, thought a lot, reflected. Let the last months play out inside his head and wondered just how different things could have gone if they had just talked about everything, listened to each other. How different everything could have been if they had just had time to talk about the Accords, to read them, to sleep over their decisions and opinions.

How different things could have gone if they had had just had time.

But they hadn't, time hadn't been on their side and unable to turn it back, they just had to make due with what they had now. Find a way to move on from here.

There was no one to blame.

Sam came to that realization quickly.

There was no one who set it all into motion, no one who could be pointed at to shoulder all the responsibility. They had all messed it up together. 

Too strong and too tight knit for enemy blows to have any lasting damage, it had been clear from the start, they could have only destroyed the team from within, by ripping it apart with their own hands.

Wanda wasn't to blame for Lagos. Not alone. They had all played their part.

Stark wasn't to blame for the Accords, he had wanted to do things right, he had wanted to keep people safe. Stark had been scared and hurt, and yes he could have given them a warning, could have stopped to take a breath once and try and see their sight of it all. But it wasn't like they had bothered to think about it themselves.

Bucky wasn't to blame for what he had been forced to do, he wasn't to blame for the fact that someone had used him to throw a punch into the faces of the world's government and a bomb into the ranks of the Avengers. He had been used. Used to destroy lives again after all he had wanted was to just live in piece and remember. Sam had no doubt that Bucky had been happy in Bucharest, without them crashing into his life. If T'Challa, the man who had lost his father, who had seen his father die, if he was able to move past the blinding hunger for revenge, and see that Barnes had been a victim, then maybe the world would one day, too.

Steve wasn't to blame for how he had reacted, he had been hurt and lost and Peggy Carter had just died and no one had bothered to think about what that meant to him, no one but Sam and Natasha. He had been terrified to lose the one thing he still had of a life that had been taken away from him, switched out for a life he would have never chosen for himself and then tried to make the best of anyway. Of course he shouldn't have lost his head and let his anger and fear rule every decision, but people tended to forget that Steve was young. That everything he had become, everything that Captain America had turned into in the eyes of the public and everything he stood for, it had happened because he had jumped from a plane into a Hydra base to save his best friend.

Not because he had wanted to do good by humanity.

The true symbol of Captain America had been born because Steve Rogers had saved Bucky Barnes.

And Sam was more than just sick of people pulling him through the dirt now.

They had all made mistakes. All of them were human, being a superhero was their job and their life, but beneath it all they were still human and humans made mistakes.

\--

And Rhodey and him...

Sam wouldn't give up.

\--

“Do you hate me?”

Steve asked that question five months after freeing him from the Raft, they were in New Orleans then, had been for the last two weeks as the frantic call for them to be apprehended and brought to justice was slowly getting a little quieter. 

Sam enjoyed being able to breathe and sleep, to be lazy and relax, to watch the news and not panic, to read a book. So, Steve's question had him surprised, looking over to him where he was sitting on the window sill of their hotel room, staring down at the streets of the French Quarter.

“Of course not.”

They existed side by side for a while until they talked more openly with each other again instead of the restrained small talk because no one wanted to rip open the others' wounds. But they had found back to each other and their friendship, it was easier to endure all this running when you did it together.

Steve turned to look at him, his eyes clearly stating that he didn't believe Sam, which didn't really surprise him, Steve breathed and lived guilt and stubbornness, and sometimes they melted together. Sam sighed, out his book to the side and accepted that they were having this conversation now and were not going to order take out dinner anytime soon.

“Listen, I don't hate you, Steve. Do I not agree with some of the decisions you made, yes, but it doesn't mean I hate you. I'm not exactly proud of some of the things I said and did as well, and would I take them back if I could? Maybe. Fact is, we can't turn back time, we can only work with what we got now.” He told Steve who reached up and dragged a hand down his face.  
“But Rhodey and you...” Steve began and Sam quickly shook his head.

“Rhodey and I are both grown ups, Steve. We made our decisions, we are responsible for our own actions. Just like Stark and you. What we did or didn't have, that's our decision, our fault.” He pointed out and then slapped a hand to the place on the couch next to him, Steve heaved himself to his feet and came over, “I don't like what happened, Steve. I don't like where it put us and how it destroyed the team, but as long as there is a burning fire in open wounds, we can't change this. You can't start sewing something back together when someone is still ripping on one side.”

“You still love him.”

“And I always will. I'll always be looking forward to seeing him again, no matter how long it will take. And if we are the reason to bring the team back together in the end? Then so be it, but that won't be my intention. I still want to be an Avenger, I still want to do good, but I also want a life, I want to be allowed to be together with the man I love. And if those things cannot combine themselves, then I know what I will choose.” Sam explained and then looked at Steve, saw the small smile on his face as he leaned against Sam's shoulder.

“We're gonna get through this.”

“Yes, we will.” Sam agreed and then pulled the flyer out from under his butt and slapped it into Steve's face, “And now choose and call, I'm hungry.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Oh, shut up.”

\--

 

Just because he didn't hate Steve, didn't mean that he didn't have days where he was angry. Angry with Steve. With the world. With Barnes. With this country. With Stark. With himself.

And even with Rhodey.

He had days where he laughed and smiled and goofed around with Steve as if they were still on this fucked road trip, chasing after Barnes.

He had days where he cried and missed Rhodey and all the others so much that it physically hurt. He had days where he cried because he was homesick, because he missed his family so much and just wanted to talk to his mother and his sister and make sure they are okay, and tell him that everything was going to work itself out, that he was alright.

He had days where he didn't want to leave the bed, but he also had days where he was up and about before Steve even and then prodded and poked him awake as well, because the sun was shining and it was warm and Sam wanted to go out and do something.

You didn't heal over night, nor in a week or in a month. Healing needed time.

\--

“Mum?”

The choked up gasp he got in return was worth all the drama to get an untraceable phone, and he smiled as Steve plopped in his earphones and gestured to his running shoes. Message clear.

“Oh, Sam, oh my Sam. My boy!” Sam turned back to his phone and smiled despite his mother's sobbed words, “Oh my beautiful boy, I was so worried. Are you okay, my angel?” His mother rushed through her words and he blinked back some tears, so happy to be able to hear her again. He had spent the entire morning debating with himself whom to call first, had switched back and forth between his mother and sister and then chosen his mother because he couldn't be entirely sure that the army wasn't watching his sister more closely since she had gotten back from Iraq.

“I'm okay, Mum, I...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mom, I didn't know it would end like this.” He apologized and wiped a hand over over his face, “I would have called earlier, I swear to you, I just couldn't risk that they had any reason to believe that you knew where I was.” He stopped his babbling when his mother whistled sharp.  
“I know, son, I know. James explained everything to me.” His mother said and then chuckled, he could almost see her smile and relaxed back against the chair he had pulled onto the small balcony.  
“That's...” He began and then froze, eyes popping wide open, mouth gaping as he stared at the people walking along the sidewalks below him.

James.

James explained it to her.

James?

“Mum, what did this James tell you? Did he come to your home? Did he follow you to work? Is the government bothering you? Did Sarah say anything?” He already had one foot on the ground to swing himself out of the chair when his mother whistled again.  
“Nobody is bothering me, son. The government hasn't asked me anything, no one is following me and your sister is fine. Colonel Rhodes contacted your sister, asked her if it was possible to meet, that he wanted to explain what happened. He assured me that you were alright and that they were doing everything to set things right again.” His mother talked and he heard her, but it felt like he was suddenly far far away.

Rhodey had talked to his Mum.

Rhodey had contacted his sister and his Mum to ease their worries, to explain to them what had happened and why Sam hadn't been able to come home or call anymore. Rhodey...

Rhodey had cared about his family knowing that Sam was okay. Wanted but alive and okay.

They talked and laughed, made plans for when Sam could come back to her, he promised her twice that he was going to take care of himself and that yes, Mom, he would hold onto that nice man. When Steve came back, he blinked in surprise when Sam jumped at him and hugged him, buzzing with happiness.

“Rhodey and Tony are trying to fix it. Steve, they are trying to bring us home!”

“Okay, wait, wait, from the beginning, Sam.”

\--

As fate will have it, if you got in with a bang, got out with a bang, then you sure as hell are gonna get back in with a bang, too.

They had left New Orleans for Miami, because Natasha wanted to meet with them and had a safehouse in the north of the city, and the puzzle she had send them to figure out the address had entertained them for the entire drive over.

But of course easy entry was not going to happen.

\--

The child in his arms that he handed back to her brother once he had gotten them out of the overturned car cried a thank you and he gave himself that one second to smile at her before he ran off again, ducking away from the laser fire and the grenades.

He had lost sight of Steve about an hour ago, roughly twenty minutes after this flock of fucking killer robot hybrid ravens. Sam was not freaking out, he was really not freaking out because frankly, he had seen way worse, you didn't get nightmares from shooting down robot ravens.

Unless of course you didn't have a gun and those things kept on fucking growing in size.

He spotted another crashed car and sprinted down the messed up side street close to the town's square, ignoring the pain in his shoulder where one of these fucking birds had rammed into him and the scratch on his knee where one of their freaky eye laser beams had hit him. He was only focused on helping people get to safety now.

He stopped next to the car whose hood was covered in debris and smoke, and looked at the two children in the backseat who were crying and shaking, “Hey, hey.” He brought their attention away from the unconscious woman in the driver's seat, “Hey, look at me, I'm gonna get you somewhere safe, alright? I'm gonna get you out of here...no no, look at me, only at me, alright?” He pulled and kicked at the backseat door until he could open it and then quickly leaned in to unstrap the boy, the older looking one of both kids.

“Okay, come here.” He said and carefully pulled the boy out, “Crouch down right here and don't move, okay? It's gonna be alright.” The girl was crying more and shaking terrible, clutching at his arms the moment he had picked her up to pull her out of the car, “Hey, hey, he soothed her, it's gonna be okay, you're okay. I'm gonna protect you from these...things.” He set her down next to her brother...friend...and then rushed over to check on the woman behind the wheel, who looked too young to be their mother.

She was dead.

He swallowed the curses and gently closed her eyes, gave himself a second of cursing that he had been too late to save her, but then bend down to pick the girl back up, setting her on his hip, “Hold onto me, okay? I'm gonna bring you to safety.” She nodded and then wrapped her arms around his neck, Sam reached for the boy's hand and then speed walked towards the town's square.

He brought them to the subway entrance, handed the kids over to a firemen guarding and protecting the entrance to the subway tunnels where they had evacuated the people in the vicinity to. The girl reached for his hand when he let go of her, “Thank you, Falcon.” She told him, her eyes wide and Sam nearly felt his knees buckle.

“You're welcome.” He told her and kissed her hand briefly before running up the stairs again. He got so far as to round the corner of the ice cream parlor before two ravens thumped to the ground in front of him, both of them easily spanning the whole street width.

“Oh fucking hell...” He whispered to himself and grimaced, throwing up his hands, slowly backing up against the building wall behind him when their freaky red eyes zeroed in on him, “Fucking killed by birds, Wilson, fucking birds. Had to be birds, huh, of course it had to be fucking birds.” Both ravens started to fire and Sam lunged for a pillar, closing his eyes and waiting until he got a window to dive for the next one.

That game went on and he at least managed to lure the ravens away from the town's square, but then the building ended and he ran out of good cover options, frantically trying to search for another way to get away, he didn't notice at first how one of the robot birds got hit and crashed to the ground, unmoving.

“Death by raven, Riley is going to kill you.” Sam snapped at himself and then pushed himself away from the pillar, racing across the street and seeking cover behind a garbage can.

“Not gonna die on my watch.”

He had barely a second of snapping his head up before the remaining robot bird exploded into a shower of metal and artificial feathers and he was forced to flatten himself to the ground to avoid getting hit. And then the street was silent, so utterly silent that Sam wondered for a moment if his ears had popped, but then he heard the sound of metal boots hitting the street.

He scrambled back to his feet, ignored the distant pain in his head and shoulder and whirled around, his face breaking out into the biggest grin he must have ever had when he caught sight of gray and silver.

“Jim? But....but how?”

And the faceplate of War Machine got raised, and brown eyes smiled at him and lips grinned at him and Sam was running. He was running and then throwing his arms around the suit's neck, already kissing Rhodey while his body was still crashing against the suit. Rhodey kissed him back, brought both arms around him and held him, careful and gentle, mindful of the suit's strength.

“How is this possible? They said that...” Sam began when they broke apart again and Rhodey let him slide back down onto his feet, still keeping one arm around him, smiling so happy.  
“I'll explain, everything, but we're still kinda busy.” Rhodey told him and Sam nodded, yes, of course, stupid hybrid killer robot ravens, “I assume you want to help?”

“In case you got a spare suit lying around?” Sam deadpanned back at him and then raised an eyebrow when Rhodey laughed, leaning down to kiss him again briefly.  
“God, I missed you so much. But no, I got something better.” And he turned his head to the side and yelled “Redwing!!”

Sam couldn't believe his eyes when his red little superstar appeared from behind a building corner in the next moment, carrying a pack that was so very very familiar.  
“You brought my wings?” He called out and reached out to pet Redwing when he softly set the wings onto the ground, before Sam hurried to get himself suited up, throwing away the damn leather jacket.  
“Time for explaining later! Raven hunting now. Here, put that in your ear!” Rhodey handed him a comm and Sam put it in quickly.

He screamed in pure joy when he set off from the ground, Redwing flying circles around him, Rhodey on his six.

“I got Falcon.” He heard Rhodey speak into the open line, “How is your recruitment looking, Tones?”

\--

When the fight was over and done and Tony and Steve rounded on Natasha together who raised her hands and backed away from them with a small smile, Sam left them behind and made for the Quinjet. He passed by the FBI agents leading the deranged man with the damn pet raven into a secure transport and then jogged when the jet came into view.

On its ramp, Rhodey was standing and waiting for him, without the suit.

Sam grinned and began to run.

Rhodey caught him and helped him to hastily unstrap the wings from his shoulders, setting them to the side to be put away later, and then he had him backed up against the Quinjet wall. His hands sliding around Sam's waist so he could pull him close, resting their foreheads against each other.

“I love you.” They almost said at the same time and then laughed, “I love you.” Rhodey repeated, “I love you, Sam, I love you so much and I will never let this job pull us apart again.”  
“Me neither.” Sam promised and brought one hand up to cup the back of Rhodey's head, “I love you, too, Jim.” He whispered and then their lips met for the sweetest kiss they had shared until now.

“Let's go home.”


	2. Rhodey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How was the fun-vee? Next time you ride with me, okay?

"Jim, I think there is someone who wants to say goodbye to you." Rhodey looked up from where he had pushed the last box into the back of his car, if his father got this trunk to close, he would owe him forever. Slowly turning around he followed his mother's gaze to the end of their driveway, where green eyes peeked around the hedge, blond hair giving him away no matter how much he tried to hide himself.

"I can see you, Ri, come out!" He called down to the boy who then grinned and skipped out of his hiding place, rushing up the driveway until he skidded to a stop right in front of him, "Hey, Riley."  
"Hey, Jimmy!" Little Riley grinned right back at him, shifting a little nervously on his feet and Rhodey noted with curiosity and surprise that he was holding an envelope behind his back.

"So you came after all to say goodbye?" Rhodey asked and crouched down, Riley blushed, probably still ashamed of the temper tantrum he had thrown two days ago when their families had thrown a barbeque to send Rhodey off to college in style. Riley had first been moody and then loudly snapped and proclaimed from the top of the monkey bars that they could never make him say goodbye to Rhodey.  
"I still don't want you to go." Riley admitted very quietly, ducking his head down as he spoke and using one sneaker clad foot to draw imaginary circles on the driveway concrete, "But I'm also sorry for screaming."

"Oh, hey, little nestling." Rhodey said and tipped Riley's chin up with one finger, round green eyes came up to look at him, "I'm not leaving you, okay? Like I told you, we're still gonna be friends, and I'll come home on some weekends and during vacations. And I will call."  
"Every second Saturday." Riley repeated back to him exactly what Rhodey had told him a week and a half ago, "I will miss you, Jimmy. Will you miss me, too?"

"Of course, I will miss you." Rhodey quickly told him, appaled at the notion that someone might think otherwise. Riley smiled, bright and wide, teeth showing, already happy again.  
"I made something for you." And his tiny hand snapped the envelope to the front, holding it out for Rhodey to take, "But you can't open it until you're in your dorm room." He continued as Rhodey took the envelope, "Pinky Promise!" Riley demanded and Rhodey chuckled but curled his pinky finger around Riley's.

"I pinky-promise not to look into the envelope until I'm in my dorm tonight. Now come here and gimme a hug." Riley didn't need to be asked twice, he grinned and then scrambled forward, throwing thin arms around Rhodey's neck and hugging him tight. "If you need me, you call me. I meant that Riley, your Momma has my new number." He whispered and Riley nodded against his neck, "And you can come here anytime you want."

"He certainly can." His Mom spoke up then, waiting until they had broken apart again to sweep Riley up into her own arms, settling him on her hip. Rhodey got back to his feet as well just as his father closed the trunk of his car and then opened the driver's door for him. He said goodbye to his parents, promised to call when he arrived in Cambridge. He fist-pumped Riley and then wiped the two tears away that fell over still smiling cheeks.

And as he got into the car, he could hear his Mom asking Riley if he wanted to make some cookies with her, and on her hip Riley nodded. Together with his Dad, they both waved goodbye to him as he steered the car down the driveway, and when he lost sight of them as he drove down the road, he did cry a few small tears. It wasn't a goodbye, it was just a step into the future, but he knew that he would miss his family and friends very much.

\--

As promised Rhodey didn't open the envelope until he was lying back in bed in his dorm room that night, most of his boxes and bags still unpacked, empty pizza box on his desk. He had called his parents, had laughed over Riley's fun in making cookies that were more icing than anything else, he had unpacked the absolute necessities and then gone out to get a pizza.

His roommate wasn't in yet and the coordinator had told him that the young boy wouldn't arrive until tomorrow afternoon, so Rhodey had settled down in his bed and let exhaustion be exhaustion. Riley's envelope brought a smile to his face though, and he grinned at the crayon scribbled version of "JIMMY" on the back of it.

Riley liked to draw, but writing was not his favourite thing so far, letters took too much patience, and patience was something that his little buddy still had to grow into. Rhodey opened the envelope carefully and pulled the sheet of paper out, he unfolded it and then grinned, grinned so hard that it was almost hurting.

He let one finger carefully stroke over the two figures on the pictures, their arms stretched out wide, their legs straight as they soared across the sky.

'One day, we're gonna fly. You and me together, Jimmy. We're gonny fly through the sky!' Riley had screamed all those months ago at the lake, running up and down the shoreline with his arms spread wide before he had giggled and thrown himself into the grass. And Rhodey had laughed, had laughed and laughed.

Now, he just smiled in fondness over the memory and got back up, walked over to his desk in the corner by the windows and grabbed the tape. He stuck the picture on the wall right in front of his desk, so that he would always be able to look at it while he worked, to make sure that he held onto the biggest promise he had made to Riley. That no matter how many new friends he got, no matter how busy he got at college and with this new life, he would never forget the little boy who was his friend, who was waiting back home.

\--

He met Tony Stark the next day, and as dramatic as it may sound, his life would never be the same again.

The teenage heir to the multi million dollar Stark empire was something to get used to, he was loud and quick, always having too much energy, his head acted three times faster than his body could most of the time. Rhodey liked all of it. He liked to have someone around where he didn't need to wait for his conversation partner to catch up any longer, they were on the same wavelength. 

Granted, Tony was a little more eccentric than Rhodey thought himself to be, but it wasn't exactly a problem to keep up with him. Because as much as he flew right through every difficult task thrown their way by their teachers, Tony was also really helpless, and at times less able to deal with life than little Riley.

They became best friends in the first few weeks of rooming and studying together, they created all kinds of stuff, worked themselves through every take out place in the area and listed them down after their preferences. They distracted each other when homesickness reared its ugly head, they got drunk when break ups happened, and had code for people staying over.

They laughed, they cried. All of it together.

Tony met Rhodey's parents and loved them. Rhodey met Maria Stark and saw where Tony got his big kind heart from. Tony met Riley and was fascinated by the little boy. Riley met Tony and was sceptical until Rhodey assured him that you could have more than just one best friend, and that one day Riley would find someone his age to be his best friend as well. Rhodey met Howard Stark and suddenly understood so very very much.

They didn't like each other. Howard wanted Tony to succeed. Rhodey wanted his friend to be happy with the life he lived.

And through it all Rhodey never forgot Riley. They talked on the phone, the number of pictures over his desk grew. Tony got some of his own, funny little robots, all of them flying.

\--

They graduated, they made their way, separate now, but never really alone. Rhodey chose the army, saw so much great potential for himself there.

Tony chose Stark Industries, at least they both pretended he had chosen it for himself, when in fact they both knew there had never really been a choice to begin with. Howard and Maria had been dead for not even four months then, and Tony was still trying to find the ground under his feet again.

It wasn't easy, there were people putting walls and hurdles in their path, especially for Rhodey, the first few years were a fight that left him drained and exhausted to the end of his nerves more than once. But they got through it, together, their friendship being the one solid rock they could fall back on when everyone and everything was trying to push them down.

\--

Time passed, they grew older, a fact that both of them happily ignored, they called it maturing like a good wine. Riley called them idiots and old fools.

The fact that the little boy hadn't been a little boy in a long time gave Rhodey headaches at times, where there had once been a boy pretending to fly and eating cookies until he got sick was suddenly a twenty two year old college graduate applying to join the army.

And Rhodey felt really old.

And happy.

Because Riley had found what just had to be his soulmate, not only his best friend, what they had ran deeper. His name was Sam. And according to Riley, he was great, perfect, awesome, super smart, super handsome and super kind. For Riley, Sam Wilson was a superhero.

And Rhodey was dying to meet him. He heard about nothing else anymore, despite how cruel and brutal he knew basic training could be, Riley only ever talked about Sam. Sam here, Sam there, Sam everywhere, the whole world was narrowed down to Sam. And if Rhodey managed to get something out of him about training or how he was feeling about it, Sam was at least half of the answer.

Riley and Sam, that was quickly a team that became known in the army, the perfect duo who worked better together than most soldiers did with their own gun. And when the plans for the EXO-7 Falcon program appeared in his hands, Rhodey was fifteen years old again, clutching his stomach as he watched Riley race up and down the pier at the lake, yelling about flying and the endless sky. And though it was still super secret and on a more or less strict need to know basis, Rhodey still let some hints slip during his next video call with Riley and Sam, but both of them looked more confused than excited when he was done.

Three months later when the program got officially launched and soldiers were approached to apply, Riley called him and babbled for one and a half hours straight before Sam wrestled the phone out of his hands and took over, just as excited but way more coherent and calm. And Rhodey threw himself into the meetings and development for the program and especially the wings with a hundred times more effort and motivation.

He wasn't included in the actual training and sorting out of the applicants, due to personal investment, but Rhodey had his contacts and knew that Riley and Sam and especially the blind almost unnatural trust they had in each other gave them an advantage over every other soldier applying for the program.

\--

When they got picked and moved on towards the intense special training and the pararescue division, Riley sent Rhodey exactly one text.

Just four words.

'I AM GONNA FLY!!!!!'

\--

Rhodey lost Tony in Afghanistan, and he will never forgive himself for it.

Utter weeks of pure hell. Nothing could put it better into words what Rhodey went through in the weeks of searching for Tony in Afghanistan, of trying to find even the smallest sign of life from him, of not giving up when everyone else seemed to be calling for the death note already. Always going on, always working just another hour longer.

And Riley was right at his side.

Grounded for the time being due to Sam being injured and the program not allowing one flyer being up alone in the air, Riley had somehow magically appeared right at his elbow from the moment their convoy had been blown up. Right there at his side while they searched the desert and mountains for any side of them. Still at his side when they found Tony stumbling through the sand and falling to his knees. 

On the flight back to the US, Riley had told both of them with that cheeky little smile that it might be time to think about retirement homes in Florida, they were getting too old for this shit. Tony stopped drinking and started laughing, and couldn't stop for the next hour and though Rhodey wasn't sure if it was half hysteria or more the raw shock, he still sent a grateful smile to Riley.

He was just too relieved, too relieved and happy to have Tony back, to know that he hadn't lost him, that the last words they had exchanged wouldn't have been some goddamn stupid joke over who was riding with whom in a damn car. 

He kept it together quite well, right until Happy stopped to get Tony his Cheeseburgers and Rhodey excused himself to the bathroom. He proceeded to have a freaking mental breakdown for the next ten minutes in a public bathroom at a freaking McDonalds.

They would talk about it, but only after they had both lost a friend for good.

\--

Iron Man.

Good grief.

Just when he thought Tony could not surprise him anymore.

And Stane.

Well, Rhodey had fucking called it, he had never trusted the man.

Shit went down.

And Tony came out as Iron Man on National Television.

Rhodey would never get a vacation ever again.

"This is sooooo cool." Riley actually crooned and Rhodey snorted, in the background it sounded like Sam was ranting about something.  
"This is neither cool, nor funny, nor hilarious. It's a fucking nightmare. Iron Man, have you seen the footage? He just served himself on a silver platter to all freaking villains this country, probably even the world, has to offer." Rhodey snapped, painfully aware of how tight his chest felt and how close he was to losing it again.

God fucking dammit, Tony, you had one job, one fucking job.

Riley was silent for a moment and then when he spoke up again, it was with a whole different tone in his voice, "Are you still in Malibu or back in DC?" He wanted to know, worried now and Rhodey cursed himself under all that freaking out.  
"I'm in my apartment, you know, the place that I never get to see or use anymore?" If he sounded as bitter as he felt in that moment, it must have slapped Riley completely in the face, because Rhodey had never really been that honest with him.

But he was down, he was pushed and pulled in all directions and he just needed one evening of not having to pretend that he could take it. Just one day where he could be angry and fucking scared that he might lose his best friend all over again. 

"We'll be there in twenty...no, thirty, gotta stop for take out. Take a shower, Jimmy, pick a movie." Riley told him and though Rhodey wanted to protest and tell them to stay at home and enjoy their week off, he also couldn't. Having friends close was also something he really really wanted right now.

They watched movies and ate greasy fast food well into the night, and Rhodey groaned about having to go to work in the morning and facing the outcome of that shitstorm, but he also laughed at Sam's and Riley's antics and threw nachos at them. It helped a lot, helped to find his centre again, to balance him out again to the point where he was no longer just thinking over what could all go wrong, but was beginning to think about what possibilities laid ahead as well. The people Iron Man could save, maybe having a maniac for a best friend was not always the worst.

"You know..." Riley smirked at around three in the morning, hanging upside down the couch, drunk on sugar, "You're the only one of us who can't fly now." Rhodey scowled and slowly turned to glare at Riley, who continued to grin all cocky and bright. At his side Sam was already facepalming, head thrown back against the couch.  
"I have pictures, fledgling, don't tempt me." Riley's grin began to face, but behind him Sam perked up, his entire face filled with sudden interest and excitement.

"No!"

"Please!"

Riley gaped and turned around, staring with slight betrayal at Sam's smile, and then threw himself off the couch when Rhodey jumped to his feet.

"Don't you dare! JIMMY DON'T YOU DARE!"

And as he raced towards his bedroom, Riley stumbling and cursing behind him, Rhodey laughed so hard, it was a miracle he didn't pull something.

\--

Twenty months later, it would feel like those moments had been lived in another life.

\--

A single RPG.

Riley fell.

To his death.

\--

Rhodey was with Tony in Malibu for a few days when the phone call came, Riley's CO himself on the line, quietly telling him that the blond sunshine would never shine again. Riley was dead. Riley had been killed, shot down from the sky like the star he had been.

And for Rhodey, more than just his world crashed in in that moment. He stood there at the window front, staring out over the ocean view, listened to the man on the other end of the line explain what had happened and he still saw nothing else but Riley's smile. A smile he would now never see again. 

He didn't get aware of badly he was shaking and losing his ability to keep standing on his feet until Tony was right at his side, sliding a strong arm around his waist and pulling him over to the couch with little to no effort. Rhodey couldn't even think anymore, couldn't think over all the calls he needed to make, wanted to make, over all the hearings he would have to cancel, the mission they would have to postpone.

There was no way in hell he was going to miss Riley's funeral.

Funeral.

His funeral.

And he screamed. Clung to Tony and screamed into his shoulder.

Riley was dead.

\--

He didn't cry in those first few days. He didn't have the time. He called people, he took over arranging half of the funeral and bringing Riley home because his parents just didn't know what to do and were too paralyzed in their grief. Pepper offered to take something off of his shoulders, offered to give him an hour or so to sit down but Rhodey couldn't, not until everything was done.

He worked and called more people and then he was on a plane, arriving in Afghanistan to bring a friend in a coffin home. And all he could think of when he saw Sam standing there, just an empty shell, was that that could have been him.

Two years ago that could have been him.

He held Sam on the plane ride home, let him cry and scream and be in pain over losing the love of his life. He staid with him until they loaded Riley's coffin into the car for the funeral home and Sam's sister arrived to take her brother home with her.

Only then did Rhodey let himself stop working for the sole purpose of getting things done, turning off his emotions and focusing single handedly on rational thinking alone, always the talent his mother had hated and admired most in him.

It worked. Until he crashed.

\--

He crashed the night before the funeral.

The last phone call was made, and suddenly he found himself sitting on the couch in the living room of his apartment in DC, Tony pressing a glass of Scotch into his hands. He downed the glass, let Tony set it back on the table, just like his phone and then stared into thing air for about ten seconds.

Before it all came crashing down.

"He is dead." Rhodey sobbed out, his hands blindly fumbling around, but Tony was quick to grab them, kneeling on the ground in front of him, he let Rhodey clutch onto his hands, holding on so tight that it almost hurt, "He is dead, Tony. I had to bring a coffin home from Afghanistan and...This was the second time that I had to fly out to Afghanistan for a friend, but this time there wasn't even hope left."

"I'm so sorry, Rhodey." Tony whispered quietly and then Rhodey was crying against his shoulder, crying for the cheeky young man who would never joke and laugh again. Crying for the little boy who would never fly again.

\--

His eulogy was short. 

Riley had hated long speeches.

"Riley had a dream, ever since he was a little boy he wanted to fly. Fly like a bird up high in the sky, and he worked hard to achieve that dream. He died living that dream, and though it is no relief from the burden of his loss, I still know that if we all work hard to follow our own dreams, Riley will live on in all our hearts. And Ri, wherever you are now, I wish you a safe flight, little bird."

\--

Tony chose to not accompany him to the funeral, as much as he had wanted to say goodbye to a friend himself, he also didn't want to draw unwanted attention to the last journey a deeply grieving family had with their son who had died way too young. Rhodey spent most of the service and the walk over Arlington with his head far away, his mother at his left, just as silent in her pain.

It was still impossible. Impossible to understand that he would never see Riley again, fall into his bubble of eternal sunshine. He had lost one of his closest friends, had lost one of not even a hand full of people who knew even the deepest sides of him.

Riley was dead. 

Riley would never tell him again how old and gray he was getting. Riley would never again laugh over his jokes no matter how many times he had already heard them. There would never be late night phone calls with his until oldest friend. 

Riley was gone. Forever. And Rhodey was still here.

Here, where he stood next to Riley's devastated parents in Arlington, trying not to flinch when they gave the saluting shots, not caring about the tears when the pastor spoke some more words. Where he stood and watched Sam stand next to Riley's father, thin, deep shadows under his eyes, shaking and trembling. Crying openly but silent. Stone-faced and broken. Completely devastated but separated from everyone else.

And he saw how those redshot eyes closed in gutwrenching pain when the soldier handed the flag to Riley's Mum.

Because despite everything they had had, everything they had promised each other. Despite the rings they had kept secret until the bitter end, no one aside from their closest friends could have ever known. Despite the oaths and the dreams, for the military Sam had always been Riley's best friend, his partner in arms. Never more.

And it hurt.

It hurt and ripped his heart apart to see it being purposefully ignored now, to see a relationship ignored and a love stomped with feet as Riley's mother gripped the flag with strong hands while Sam's had to close around the dog tags hidden below his uniform.

Sam and Riley had been partners, a team, in love and arms. They had shared something so powerful and incredibly inspiring, it was horrible to have to stand and be unable to do anything. Something had to done, something had to be done to give equal parts to partners, no matter if they were a man or a woman, no matter if they loved a man or a woman. 

Riley had loved his parents, he had been close to them until the very end, but he had loved Sam more, he had loved Sam with all his heart and soul. Sam had been his other half, only together had they been able to be as successful and happy as they had been. And Sam still loved him with every part of his being, even a blind man would have been able to notice it.

Sam should have been the one to be handed the flag. Sam should have been the one to get honored with this last salute to Riley.

\--

After the funeral was over, Rhodey said goodbye to his parents, he had to go back to the Pentagon, there were hearings he had to attend. But as he walked to his car, he stopped when he caught sight of Sam and Riley's Mum hugging each other tightly outside the former's car. 

He was frozen in wanting to go over and talk to Sam himself and not wanting to bring up bad memories. 

And then he witnessed how they broke apart again, how Riley's Mum leaned up to wipe the tears from Sam's face one last time, and then she laid the folded flag into his hands and pushed them and the flag against his chest, right over his heart.

Rhodey looked on as Sam closed his eyes and then smiled, faint and small, but for one short moment the unbearable pain and weight on his shoulders seemed lighter.

It was the last time he saw Sam for the next four years.

\--

Fury was a son of a bitch. Coulson was a great guy. Shield smelt foul.

\--

Rhodey threw himself into work, all day long, all week long, nothing else anymore, just work. It was a lousy way of not coping with Riley's death, a really lousy way to honor his memory. Rhodey had had dreams once, too, and part of it had been seeing Riley's wish of them flying together come true.

His dream could never come true again.

He lost contact to Sam when the other man left the Air Force, too much pain, Rhodey could understand, it felt different for him though. He couldn't stop, he threw himself deeper and deeper into his work, until there was basically nothing left but the Colonel in him.

Tony strived as Iron Man, he did good for the world, he became an even bigger name than he already was, he used that fame to do even better. Unfortunately, those who do good always attract those who want to do bad.

Everything that happened after, in the months after Riley's death, were two people spiralling completely out of control for different reasons, who desperately needed each other to keep from falling apart. Which of course didn't work out. You couldn't save yourself from drowning if you latched onto another drowning person. 

Rhodey didn't regret most of his actions, he had been angry and scared, he had been terrified to lose Tony, too, and back then he hadn't even known that Tony had been dying. Actually fucking dying. He had known something was wrong, he had seen the signs, he had just been too terrified to see another coffin being lowered into the ground to really connect with it.

They fought, against his each other. For the first time since getting to know each other all these years ago as nothing but teenagers, they physically fought against each other. It had been the last strike to see Tony partying in that suit, making fun of it, using it as some kind of party entertainment, something in Rhodey had snapped. Riley had died because he had wanted to fly more than anything else in the world, Riley had been killed because his dream had been to fly and to make this world a better place, all Riley had ever wanted was to help people.

And he hadn't even been allowed to see thirty.

And there Tony was, throwing this gift, throwing this honor to the wolves for some goddamn party gag. 

And he had the nerve to ask Rhodey if he thought he deserved the suit. Well, maybe he didn't, but he knew someone who had deserved it. Who would have deserved it, but who would never get the chance.

He took the suit and flew back home, too angry with Tony to even consider him being that home still. Too angry with himself that he hadn't seen a different way out than violence.

Hammer, Stark Expo, Vanko, it was a disaster from start to finish. The only good thing that came out of it was War Machine, his own suit, and the knowledge that no matter how bad it looked, no matter how loud they got, Tony and him would always find their way back to each other. He wouldn't lose this friend, too. 

They saved the day together, and that was a good feeling. A good feeling, something he really had needed in that year.

\--

When Tony told him the truth about the paladium poisoning and just how close he had come to dying, Rhodey didn't yell. He didn't scream, there were no arguments or freak-outs, no one got drunk or hurt, he did only one thing.

He took Tony and set him into one of his cars, he took the wheel and drove them out onto the highway. They left Malibu, left California and went east. Tony didn't ask him once what he was doing, though his face showed all confused questions.

They talked once the first hours of silence had become a little too stiffling, and it wasn't even Tony who started it up. Rhodey knew that he was probably the only person on the planet with whom Tony could be comfortable in silence, it reminded them of study sessions back in their college dorm room, reminded them of simpler times.

They apologized again, talked about the last months, the last years. 

Their destination was DC, and by the time they arrived there, they were laughing, both of them relieved to know that they still trusted each other more than anyone else, that they still knew each other better than anyone else did. They were best friends, and when not even a fight between them could draw them apart, then nothing would ever be capable of achieving that.

Arlington was peaceful as always when they walked along the rows of graves, Tony suddenly aware just where this trip was going. 

"No more secrets." Rhodey demanded of him as they both knelt at Riley's gravestone a few minutes later, "No more half truths, no more hiding. No more keeping me out of anything. Don't do this alone, Tones." And Tony looked up at him, smiled and nodded, "Because I can't lose you like I lost him, I won't survive that a second time."

"I promise you." Tony replied, looked him straight in the eyes and slapped a hand onto his shoulder to squeeze tight, "You won't lose me, Rhodey."

\--

After the honoring ceremony at the White House and the grand dinner, Tony disappeared for a while and Rhodey let him, relaxed with Pepper and Happy at his apartment, feet thrown up, just breathing for the moment and nothing else. 

Tony was barely gone an hour, returned with dirty nails and threw himself on the couch next to Pepper, smirking at the raised eyebrows from all around.

"What the hell have you been doing?" Rhodey wanted to know and Tony rolled his head to face him, bringing up a hand and wriggling his dirty fingers.  
"I needed to bury something." He told him, grinning and Rhodey stared at him, because Tony's suit was lacking a certain clipped on medal of honor. And though there was the chance that he had simply put it back into the little box that had come with it, like Rhodey had, because he was not going to risk losing that award, things with Tony were never that easy.

"Please don't tell me you buried an honor medal from the America government under some tree next to Capitol Hill?" Pepper spoke Rhodey's thoughts out loud and Tony chuckled, swinging himself back to his feet to get himself and them something to drink.

"Of course not." He soothed that worry away and Pepper and Rhodey both took a breath of relief at the same time, "I buried it in a grave."

Oh, boy.

"You did what?!" Pepper shrieked while Rhodey could only gape, just when you thought he couldn't get more eccentric, "Tony, this is one of the highest honor an American civilian can achieve, and you just..."

"Buried it with someone who deserves it more than me, who was better than me. Someone who died way too young before anyone could have realized what he gave to this country. His life, his blood. His dream." Tony explained, calm but not without some fire in his heart, and he looked over to Rhodey who realized whom he was talking about as if a switch had been pulled, "Riley will keep it safe, probably more than I could. He's the real superhero, I'm just a man with a suit. And now, let's drink, enough emotional shit chat for a day."

\--

There was one cold but sunny winter day in December that found Rhodey thinking about Sam Wilson again. One day where he slowed everything down and took time to be by himself, let himself disconnect from everything else and drive out to Arlington.

Four hours ago the president had signed off on the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and within all that joy and that happiness, in all that heartwarming relief, Rhodey also thought of the two people in his life for whom this had come too late.

Riley was dead. And Sam had left the army.

\--

There were other worlds out there. Asgard. Thor. Fucking alien destroyer monsters.

Rhodey had nightmares for weeks.

Tony poked Coulson. Coulson poked back. Rhodey wanted a vacation.

\--

They found the Valkyrie in the Arctic Ocean.

Tony lost it. Rhodey kept it together. And mentally prepared himself for a funeral with the biggest military honors.

Steve Rogers was alive.

Tony and Rhodey lost it together and then lost it again, and both got horribly drunk.

That was the unexciting part about 2011.

\--

When shit went down for real good, Rhodey was of course working so far deep behind steel walls that he only got informed of stuff when aliens were already raining down on Manhattan. The portal originating from right over Stark Tower.

Rhodey would have freaked out in fear over Tony and Pepper and Happy and all those other people if he hadn't been so fucking busy. He was the crazytown consultant now, being close friends with Tony Stark had those added features, if shit went weird, Colonel Rhodes got called, maybe he had an idea.

It annoyed him really greatly and frustrated him to no end.

He didn't get a chance to take a breath and even think about calling Tony before everything was over and solved and taken care of. Tony actually called him first and promised him to introduce him to all his new buddies soon, Rhodey wanted to know how bad the concussion was.

Coulson's death was a hard blow, Rhodey had respected the man and what he had done, even more so with what patience he had been able to handle Tony. Another friend who had died too young.

\--

Two months later, two whole months later, it was Rogers by accident who revealed to him that Tony had fucking died for a few seconds.

It took two whole fucking months until Rhodey learned that Tony had actually been dead for a moment. That he had flown the nuke into the portal on purpose, knowing there was no way back.

The following panic attack sucked. Big time. 

But he just couldn't lose another friend. He couldn't even think about losing another best friend. And Tony had fucking promised him.

\--

Christmas, what a beautiful time of the year. Soft music playing, lights twinkling on the christmas tree. Cookies smelling so delicious.

Tony on the edge of a breakdown, Rhodey being sick with worry. Aldrich Kilian, what an ass. Extremis, holy shit. Iron Patriot, not regretting that one. Happy gets hurt, these bastards. Tony gives out his home address to terrorists on National Television, well what's new. Rhodey was so done.

Tony declared dead and Rhodey had a panic attack in front of the Vice President, who turned out to be one of the bad guys. He got kidnapped. Tony wasn't dead. Rhodey would have preferred another panic attack, but he couldn't because he was too busy fighting against people who could basically spit fire.

The president got kidnapped, Pepper got infected with Extremis, they still manage to save the day. Tony blew up his armada of suits and Rhodey really really wanted a vacation.

Tony underwent the surgery they had all been poking him towards for years now, and of course it's worrisome to stand there and wait for hours while your best friend has open heart surgery, but it was also relieving to know that no villain would be able to take him out again by grabbing that damn arc reactor. The surgery went well and Rhodey made a trip to the Bahamas.

One week. One simple week of not having to worry about anything. One week where he could be alone with himself and his own thoughts and his own worries. He had fun, he reloaded his empty energy reserves, he felt young again, he relaxed.

And funny enough, he found himself thinking about Sam.

\--

He was not quite sitting on Tony but also kinda was a few short months later, tasked with babysitting the still recuperating but ever impatient genius while Pepper was out on a conference. They were watching TV because every movie at hand was only giving Tony new ideas for tech he couldn't create because Pepper and Jarvis had banned him from the workshop until he was declared fit by the doctors again.

Rhodey had only been half listening to the TV news station going on and on about economics, his work phone had alerted him to a security breach about two hours ago and he was still poking several lieutenants to find out what the hell had been taken.

The following two things happened at the same time:

The news reporter showed footage of a Strike Team apprehending Steve Rogers on a highway in downtown DC and declared Captain America wanted for treason.

Rhodey's second in command texted him that the stolen item had been the EXO-7 Falcon wings.

Oh, you have got to be kidding him.

"How odd are the chances that Romanov might need wings?" He spoke out loud, setting his phone back on the couch table, Tony turned to look at him, eyes wide, still gaping.  
"What?" He replied after a second, on the TV Rogers was kicked to his knees again and again by a black clad Strike Agent, but somehow Tony was shook out of his stupor, "Jarvis, what the bloody fucking hell is going on here?" He demanded to know in the next second and glared when Rhodey still wouldn't let him up, "Gimme Fury on the line right now!"

"Sir, that is not possible, seeing as Director Fury has been declared." Jarvis answered calmly and Rhodey and Tony stared at each other for a second before they jumped to their feet, stupid rules be damned.  
"He is WHAT?!" Tony yelled while Rhodey scrambled for his phone and hurried to call his second in comand back, he needed more information about the break in immediately, "Fury is dead? When the fuck did that happen!" Tony went on and while Jarvis launched into reports.

\--

Hydra.

Rhodey had been a good student, history might not have been his favourite in school but he had still listened while his teacher has told them about World War II, about Captain America and his Howling Commandos, and their fight against Hydra.

The branched off Nazi organisation with the advanced warfare and rumored alien technology. 

Hydra who wasn't dead, Hydra who had apparently slept within Shield all this time and Rhodey had fucking known his gut hadn't lied when Shield had felt like bad news. 

Tony was frozen in drinking his bottle of water as Jarvis turned the TV onto CNN during their lunch in the kitchen, and Rhodey dropped the pasta all over the table as the TV played out the footage over helicarriers ascending into the air over the Triskelion in DC.

And as their lives were, everything descended into chaos from there on. The internet exploded with Shield and Hydra intel, a move that was screaming Romanov so loud. Helicarriers and jets started shooting in the sky over DC and Rhodey got to work on three phones at the same time to alarm the military and get onto the line with the Secret Service.

Everything stopped though when he really caught sight of what was going on on the TV screen. At first it was just a glimpse as he was passing by the TV one more time in his pacing with one phone at his eat and another two in his hands, just a tiny split second glimpse of something red and gray and wing like.

Rhodey stopped. Froze. Time stilled. The world quietened down.

Everything seemed to pause as he turned to fully face the TV and let his eyes roam over the footage with real attention, let his eyes pick out the man flying in the stolen EXO-7 Falcon suit. Flying with stolen wings.

A man who wasn't a stranger. Not to the wings and not to him.

"OH YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!" He snapped at the TV and then started laughing, phones falling from his hands as he threw his head back, ignoring how Tony froze by the couch and raised both eyebrows at him. But Rhodey could only laugh, laugh and laugh and laugh. Four years of not hearing anything from him, of hoping and praying that he had been able to make a life for himself, to find new dreams to follow.

Four years of wondering how Sam had been, only to see him again on the TV mid battle against Hydra, shooting at jets, fighting against strange legendary ghost assassins that until today had never sounded real. Fighting alongside Captain America against a villain who was controlling helicarriers against them. His laughter turned hysterical rather quickly when he sat down right there on the ground and felt so utterly helpless as he watched helicarriers blow up and dive to the ground.

And Sam right there in the middle of it all.

But there was also a little part in his heart, hidden still behind the scars that Riley's death had left behind that now very quietly wondered if fate had wanted to bring Sam back in his life. Because if one thing was clear, then that Rhodey was never ever going to let him live this one down.

Four years of nothing and then back in with a fucking loud bang.

\--

The Winter Soldier was real.

The Winter Soldier was Bucky Barnes.

Rhodey was so done with everything.

\--

"Hey, Rhodey?"

"Hm?" Not looking up from the circuit boards Rhodey frowned harder at the cables refusing to do what he wanted them to do, Tony shuffled closer.  
"I got a call for help from Captain America and I thought you might want to join me. You know, come in like the knight in shining armor? Rogers got his friend with him, you can impress him." Tony snickered over his own damn joke.

"Now why would I want to do that?" Rhodey asked him, interest still on the non-cooperating circuit board, Tony groaned.  
"I thought you wanted to get to know the guy with the stolen wings?" He said and Rhodey whirled around, screwdriver falling to the ground as he hurried past Tony out of the workshop.

"You're right. Let's go."

He was going to see Sam again.

\--

Kicking Hydra ass was fun.

Seeing Tony's and Steve's faces when Sam and him revealed themselves as old friends was the best thing ever.

\--

Seeing Sam fly and scream in pure joy with the new wings, it filled Rhodey's heart with something that almost scared him. 

Pride was overpowering it quickly though, proud at both of them. Proud that they had both managed to move on, to heal from Riley's loss as good as they could, to have a life without him without ever forgetting him.

Lives that in the end had still decided to bring them together again.

And when Sam landed again, eyes glowing, face so alive with his happy smile, Rhodey was very far away for a short second. No longer on top of the Avengers Tower but out on a tarmac down in Quantico, watching Sam stand next to Riley after a first test flight with their new wings, hair wild from the wind, smiling brighter than the sun.

And for the first time it no longer hurt to think of Riley, to think of everything he hadn't been able to experience. 

It felt only too right to propose the "Falcon" as Sam's superhero name, they had always laughed over Riley's dream like fantasies, about superheroes. Now they were both living it, and Rhodey could see that Sam wanted to keep Riley close with the name just as much as he wanted. 

They would fly together now, and Riley would always be there to watch over them. He had been a worriward enough to be like that now.

\--

The Avengers started searching for the scepter, Rhodey chose to accompany Sam on one of his search trips for Barnes, an event they both used to really catch up on what they had been up to in the last four years.

And if Sam made fun of Iron Patriot for twenty minutes straight, it was still totally worth it to have brought it up. They laughed and talked, and Rhodey realized just how much he had missed the other man. They might have started out as Riley's friends, but they had quickly become friends themselves.

Hours passed and they still didn't run out of conversation topics, still curious over each others lives, and when the lead on Barnes ended without any results, Rhodey pulled Sam into a pub. Whatever happened next was a blank, but they were both happy and feeling better the next day.

\--

It felt like a crush. Like falling in love.

But Rhodey was too terrified to admit it even to himself.

\--

The party to celebrate getting the scepter was great, and Rhodey enjoyed himself immensely as long as he kept his stories away from any Avengers. And his evening got only better when he stepped out onto the balcony and found himself watching Sam for a long moment.

Illuminated by the light coming from behind the windows, lights dancing over his skin, casting parts of his face in deep shadows now and then. His eyes flashing golden when the light fell just right as he stared down into Manhattan. He looked so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful.

\--

"I'm here because I want to be, not because I feel I have to. Rhodey, you don't have to worry about me.” Sam answered the worried question over what he felt he needed to do and it made Rhodey smile, ducking his head down for the time he needed to set his bottle to the ground before he looked up again.

“Like you said, there is a difference between having to and wanting to.” He told Sam and meant it, meant for it to mean so much more. Wanting to worry about Sam, he did that, too, but right now, wanting Sam was a much higher priority.

They stared at each other, then smiled, and then they were kissing and no one really knew how it had happened, all Rhodey could think about was more, he wanted more. They got to their feet and stumbled over into a dark corner of the deck without really taking their hands or lips off of each other. Rhodey pushed Sam against the wall of the tower, and Sam threw his head back and gasped for air as Rhodey let warm lips burn a path along his skin, right down to Sam's collarbone.

Rhodey pushed a thigh between Sam's legs, and fuck when had he gotten this hard, his hands clutching at Sam's waist, willing his hips to show some kind of restrain and not just blindly thrust against that leg that offered such amazing friction. Lips against his again, a kiss that was hungry and desperate, more teeth and tongue than really kissing, but god, he needed more.

And thankfully Sam saw it the same way.

He pulled away, already breathless, his eyes glowing with want, want for Sam, his hands so strong on his waist and hip, “Come up with me. Please.” He pleaded with his voice, panting and hoarse, and Sam just nodded, again and again.

The way up to his apartment in the tower was so achingly long, but then finally, they were stumbling onto the couch and Sam was straddling him and the first clothes were already flying off. And if there was one thing Rhodey could imagine himself doing for the rest of his life, then it was kissing Sam.

\--

Losing Jarvis and then standing across from Ultron was a slap to the face, a message like no other that something was terribly wrong with his best friend, and while everyone else got angry and the team then raced out to contain the damage before it could get any worse, Rhodey was left behind to worry.

First with Sam and then without him.

He made sure to get in contact with Sam while he was in Italy, made sure the military was on stand-by but also not too twitchy and like always he tried to not bite off his own tongue in panicked worry. 

World ending scenarios.

There had been a time in his life when not getting an A on the mid term had been the greatest possible fuck up. No one had ever asked him if the upgrade to destruction of humanity was okay with his mental stability.

South Africa. The team in the focus of every news channel, everyone wanting to rip them a new one. Rhodey was called in front of the freaking president while the team got to lay low in some safehouse, that was later to him revealed as Barton's farm. Seoul, Ultron attacked Helen and took the cradle, and Rhodey really needed to start making friends in less danger prone areas, his heart could use some rest.

He held close contact with Sam and it was more or less a back and forth on who was talking whom out of a worried spiral down the control ladder. They both needed to keep focused on what they were doing. And then Maria approached him about Fury and helicarriers and coming to the Avengers help and Rhodey was faced with the not exciting part of having to tell Sam that he was going into the showdown himself.

And the panic attack Sam fell into, it felt like it was his own. Something between them had shifted, majorly so, that night two nights ago it had turned them into a whole new direction that both of them had seen coming but had not wanted to long for too deeply.

And now it could have just as well been the last.

\--

Sokovia couldn't be saved, but the world was.

Sam and Rhodey became Avengers.

And Rhodey found himself that yes fate, you finally got him, after all these years swearing to himself that he would stay far away from all this bullshit, you finally got him.

Tony and Clint retired, Bruce was gone. Thor off earth again.

A whole new team.

A new start.

And Rhodey was proud to be a part of it.

\--

Tony didn't even have a comment left when Rhodey asked him to put Sam's and his quarters right next to each others in the new base, with a door to connect both rooms, he only smiled and then smirked and the congratulated him. Rhodey saw no need to get flustered, Sam and him had agreed to take it casual, to not make any lasting promises too quickly.

They had both been hurt and left too many times. 

They moved into the new base and they had the time of their lives, felt right back in college. They didn't just hang out with each other, there were whole movie nights away from the team, nights they spend talking, nights they spent in each others beds, and not always was sex involved.

During team bonding nights, they always sat together on one couch, next to each other at the table or built up a team together. They trained together, tested each other's limits and then helped the other one push them even more, they pranked Steve and drove him crazy. They pranked Natasha and regretted it horribly. 

Rhodey knew what was happening and he didn't want to stop it anymore, he was falling in love with Sam. 

He was in love with Sam.

\--

"TONY?"

"Oh wow, so he does know I still exist." He heard Tony snicker from behind the workbench and Rhodey walked around it, smiling when he saw Tony on his knees next to Dummy, working on a little wheel.  
"What are you talking about? We talked yesterday on the phone, I call you more than I call my own mother." Rhodey complained, setting the package he had been carrying down on the table to high five Dummy.

"What can I do for you then? Rogers driven you to take flight already? Lover's quarrel?" Tony guessed and snorted upon seeing the truly unimpressed look on Rhodey's face.  
"I need a paintjob." He deadpanned and opened the box, Tony was there in an instant, too curious as always.

"Woah, what is....that looks so awesome!"

"It's Sam's birthday present." Rhodey answered him and Tony whirled around, eyes huge, mouth agape.  
"You never made me something this pretty. I'm wounded." Tony pouted and Rhodey rolled his eyes, busied himself with taking the bird like bot out of the box and setting it onto the table.  
"I love you, Tones, but not like I love Sam." And then it was out, for the first time spoken out and Rhodey grinned over how perfect it felt.

He loved Sam.

"Well then lemme see if I still have the grays and reds from Sam's latest upgrade." Tony smiled himself, "And Rhodey? I'm really happy for you."

\--

Sam's eyes were huge, and Rhodey bit down on both his lips to keep from asking a million and two questions over whether or not he liked him.

"What's his name?" Sam asked after two minutes of cradling the still not activated bot in his hands, so careful and gentle, Rhodey found it so adorable. It had already been so worth all the frustrating hours spend working on the smallest details.  
"I thought you might want to think of one yourself. Project Sam's Birthday Bird Bot 2015 sounds like a really ugly mouthful." Rhodey joked and Sam snorted, setting the still unnamed bird back onto the table.

They were alone down in Rhodey's part of the workshop, the rest was busy preparing the birthday party, probably squabbling over cake choices by now.

"When you activate him, be sure that you are well in his line of sight, make sure he imprints on you." Rhodey reminded him and then handed him the controls, Sam nodded, focused now. If Friday had been right and Rhodey had not fucked something up, then their still unnamed new team member would be even more self aware and independent than Dummy. And if his programming had done what he wanted, he was still very much a baby bird and would learn with time.

Sam pressed the button and the little bot came to life. Rhodey held his breath.

Only to laugh and grin when Sam squealed in pure delight and happiness as their new little friend beeped at him and then began to hover over the table, a little unstable still as the engines fired themselves up for the first time on their own control. Sam made to reach out as to help but then held himself back, waited patiently until the bot figured it out and then launched himself higher into the air, flying circles around Sam's head and beginning to make chirping noises.

And honestly, Rhodey had no idea who looked happier.

"Redwing!" Sam called over to him after a few minutes, newly named bot floating right over his right shoulder, "His name is Redwing! And thank you!" Rhodey smiled and caught Sam in his arms, the kiss they shared sweet and warm, "Thank you so much!"

\--

Rhodey couldn't go to Lagos, the Pentagon had needed him for a review on an old mission, but when he saw the news, he knew one thing right away, things would change.

And not necessarily in a good way.

\--

It was a whiplash of events, and Rhodey stopped trying to keep up rather quickly. He was along for the ride in body, but not in soul. His heart in shattered shards. And his beliefs torn to pieces.

Ross was an asshole, but you didn't need to like people to support their ideas and their plans, the Accords were a got decision, a good move. They were out of control, they did what they did without any supervision and responsibility. Something needed to be done and the Accords sounded like a good thing.

It was quick, it was sudden, of course, but if they had talked...well, if they had had been able to have a rational conversation, many things would have been avoided, but as it was, they argued again. And Rhodey felt a big part of his heart torn from his chest when Sam was arguing so fiercely against him. He could see his concerns, understood his worries, and he wanted to comfort him, wanted to assure him that he didn't think it would end up like that, that this could be a really good thing.

Peggy Carter died, and Rhodey had no time to talk to Sam, he only had time to watch him hurry to pack and then rush after Steve, focused on comforting him in his shock and grief. Tony approached him and tried to comfort him when he saw the look in his eyes but Rhodey shook him off, it was too late, the damage was done, they had work to do now.

Rhodey was used to feeling his heart ache, he never got what he wanted, why would now be the difference.

\--

Rhodey didn't hate James Barnes.

Quite on the contrary, he was worried for the guy, he wanted him to get help.

And then the UN building in Vienna blew up, and something was fishy but none of them had time to think, time to reflect, time to wait. They needed to act now, needed to stop Steve now before any more people got hurt. 

Rhodey didn't want anyone else to die. Enough innocent people had been lost already. He didn't want to add Barnes or Rogers and least of all Sam to the list. 

They had to stop this madness.

\--

He was holding a repulsor to Sam's face.

Maybe that was the moment where it all just stopped to matter. 

Maybe that was the moment where it was just actions anymore. No more thinking, just doing.

Because if he had let his heart and head just take control for one goddamn second, he wouldn't have been able to cope. He had seen so much, had been in so many combat missions, but never, never before had the people fighting against him been his friends.

Never before had the war been fought against his own family.

Rhodey just wanted it to end.

\--

Sam and him, facing off against each other as the teams came to blows.

They weren't fighting.

They were playing, a very heated dance, a cat and mouse game they had practiced so many times, used in training. 

They didn't want this. They didn't want people to get hurt, and it was working out.

Until it wasn't.

\--

Rhodey had been scared of falling. 

He had just never thought he would be the one to fall.

In his dreams, his nightmares and his darkest moments, it had always been the people he loved whom he saw falling. Never he himself.

And all he could think about when the laser beam hit the arc reactor and the suit went dark and lifeless and then started falling like a stone, was oh, seems this time it is me.

And the last thing he heard before everything went dark and silent was Tony's desperate scream.

\--

Rhodey didn't really snap back into the present of what was happening around him until he was waking up in the hospital bed after the surgery. Everything until then was just filled with pain and more pain, so much pain and panic.

Drugged up high on painkillers, he just kept on turning in loops. Where was Sam? What had happened? Why couldn't he feel his legs? Where was Sam? What had happened? Why couldn't he...

When he woke up after the surgery, everything was so much clearer, but unfortunately Tony only had bad news for him. And Rhodey didn't even mean the medical ones about his legs. 

Sitting there in the chair right by the side of his hospital bed, looking worse than Rhodey did, beaten to a pulp, pain visible in every inch of his skin, hopeless eyes, and Rhodey could almost guess what must have happened.

"When you're out of here, I'll tell you more, but..." And Tony sighed, dragged a hand over his face, and for the first time since Rhodey had gotten to know him as a teenager, Tony looked his age. He looked old, weary, broken down, "For now, it's gone to shit, Rhodey."  
"Did...Rogers do this to you?" Rhodey croaked and gratefully accepted the water that Tony handed him, pure relief on his throat, "What happened in Russia?"  
"You need to recover." Tony evaded to answer, fiddling with Rhodey's blanket, "We can talk about this another day, you need to focus on yourself right now."

"Where is Sam?"

Apparently not the right thing to ask. Tony blew out a breath and ducked his head very low for a moment, and then he slowly looked up again. Rhodey felt himself tense, as much as he could with the drowsiness of the painkillers still pulling him under.

"I'm sorry, Rhodey, I'm so sorry. But Ross put him on the Raft."

He fell back into the pillows, just dropped like a stone and stared up at the white ceiling as those words ripped the last shreds of hope that had kept his heart together.

\--

In the first few days, moving on was difficult, close to impossible as he fought to find energy and strength where there was none anymore. The world always took from him, it never gave anything back, he was never allowed to hold onto the good things in his life.

Tony said he was already working on a prototype that would make it possible for him to walk again, and Rhodey was grateful, but he was also tired, too tired to bring up any interest in helping him, in being curious.

He was angry a lot, had too much time for thinking about everything now, about the meeting with Ross, where he gave them no time to talk at all. About Rogers stubborness. About his blindness when it came to Barnes. Rhodey understood it on a certain level, eight years ago he had done everything to find Tony, had gone over the heads of his superiors and moved on with the search when they had all wanted to stop.

But there had been a difference. Tony would have died if no one had found him. Barnes had had a life. And at no point had Rhodey seen him happy to be away from that. 

He was angry at Romanov and Barton, for getting into this mess, for supporting it, for knowing how far Rogers and Tony would take this because they knew them. He had never trusted Shield, but he had thought he could trust them to keep their head on straight and think about what this could all cause. And now she was gone, Barton stuck on the Raft, and three young children were probably asking their mother day and night when their father would come back.

He was angry at Vision, and not for the shot that hit him, Rhodey knew what accidents looked like, knew that not everything went after plan in a fight, even they all had thought Vision to be incapable of it. But he was angry that Vision had let himself get swept back into it, there were other ways, there could have been other ways to fix it, to get Tony and Steve to sit down and talk, they hadn't needed to fight, and with all his ongoing calculations Vision should have seen it.

He was less angry at Wanda, he was more worried. They had all wanted to protect her, from Ross, from too curious government officials, from other bastards out there. They had meant well. He was angry that people who had nothing to do with what had happened involved themselves into a fight between a family they hadn't belonged to.

He was not angry at T'Challa, the only man, the only person who had come to his senses in the end, who had stopped fighting when the truth had revealed itself to him. He was grateful that the king was not selling them as dumb now, and though he never said it directly, he made no secret out of not only having taken Zemo out of Russia. Tony and him knew where Barnes was, but no one thought about telling anyone else. It was a secret worth keeping.

Rhodey didn't know what he was feeling when he thought about Barnes now, he had been angry before, that Rogers' ongoing desperate search for him took Sam out so many times, that it wore him out and exhausted him so many times. But he had wanted to help the man, too. And now he needed help more than ever, because no human being should be able to be played like that, turned into a weapon by just a few words. And he hoped that one day Barnes could be helped. Despite all the Winter Soldier had done, despite the anger that was still turning Tony's stomach around now, they all knew it hadn't been Barnes. And the man he was now, he deserved to live in peace.

There was a very simple emotion he had for Rogers. He never wanted to see the man again, neither dead or alive, he never wanted to hear from him again, about him again. Rhodey had trusted him, he had believed in him, and Rogers had kicked all of that into the dirt and then spit on it. He had hurt Tony, he had gone too far and taken it too far, Tony could have died in Siberia, Rhodey wasn't kidding himself. For the second time in his life, he could have lost Tony by the hands of someone he had called friend.

And he thought about Sam.

Thought about how worried sick he was. How scared he was about what was happening to him in the Raft. Rhodey knew Sam was strong, stubborn and strong and a survivor, but he also knew that Sam didn't know about him, that Ross was cutting all possible contact Tony could make to get even a small message through. And Rhodey had seen Sam after Riley's death, if he was that down now...the Raft was no place for it.

He was fresh out of the hospital and back at the facility, when Tony excused himself from the living room for the call his phone was ringing with, leaving him alone with Vision. Only to return ten minutes later, looking like he couldn't decide between laughing in joy or crying in frustration.

"What happened?" Rhodey asked him and Tony looked at him, and then doubled over and started laughing, a clear hysterical note to it, "Tones?"  
"He broke them out. Rogers broke them out of the Raft." Tony sputtered out between his laughs and Rhodey stared at him in shock.  
"Why are you laughing about that?" Vision spoke out what Rhodey was thinking behind all that relief over Sam being out, no longer under Ross's thumb, no longer stuck behind bars.

Tony was wheezing, still doubled over, hands keeping him up against his knees, but he reached up with one and held up one finger, "I never wanted them there, it's a bad place, they were treated badly there." And the snickers overcame him again, as another finger popped up, "Anything that gets Ross into trouble is fun to me." And then the third finger, "I'm laughing because the CIA wants me to find them. Me! As if I will tell them where they are." And he straightened up again, "Maybe I want to clock out Rogers, but neither Sam nor Wanda deserve the witchhunt this could turn into."

"But we're still gonna keep it in our hands?" Rhodey wanted to know and Tony nodded, blowing out a deep breath and then settling back down in the armchair again.  
"I'll work something up with Friday tomorrow, so that I can show Everett Ross and Ass-hat Ross that I am looking into it. When I'm really not." Tony replied and Rhodey felt a smile bloom on his face, relieved over so many things. Most of all over knowing that Sam was on the run but no longer on the Raft, and over seeing the old Tony again.

"You're not?"

"I could tell them where Barnes is, wouldn't make a different." Tony began to answer Vision's question, "It's not like anyone would get past T'Challa on a diplomatic level and Wakanda's defenses on a physical level anyway. It's the same with Zemo, they're out of reach, and even a suit like Everett Ross will get that. If Romanov and Barton don't want to be found, they won't be found, and I have a good feeling that good old Barton keeps Wanda close now. Lang's record says he knows how to lay low. So we only have to worry about Sam, he's a smart guy, knows how to keep out of trouble. I have no doubt that we can easily lead Ross, the CIA, FBI and all the other merry little parts of the damn alphabet off his back."

\--

Moving on was easier then, looking ahead had a reason again and Rhodey threw himself into the physio, therapy and medical examinations with new found energy, strength and hope. He had something to work towards now, something it was worth fighting for, worth walking for. 

He would see Sam again. And they would talk. He was not giving up on him.

Tony still treated him with overprotective careful kid gloves, and though Rhodey could understand, he didn't really appreciate it. All he wanted now was to move on, to get back to walking with the braces and find the strength to get back into a suit one day. It had been an accident, he wouldn't let it rule over the rest of his life.

But, and that was how life went, you gotta had to get up before you could really fall. And he had been long overdue for a breakdown.

In all the days he had spent thinking because everything else had been too exhausting, he didn't really put Tony into the focus of his thoughts. He had just been so happy to still have one friend left who was sticking to his side, and Tony felt the same. It wasn't really anger what he felt, a frustration maybe, because Tony had been terrified since Ultron, terrified of making another mistake, of making another wrong step, he had only wanted to do good and had maybe gotten a little too focused in his work.

It was incomprehension over how he could have pulled a kid into this war, as much as Rhodey admired Parker for his skills, his intelligence and his bravery, that airport tarmac had not been the place for a fifteen year old. And Tony should have known that. Skills, enhanced talents or not, he could have really gotten hurt, and Tony would have never forgiven himself, and Rhodey would have had to live with the knowledge that he could have stopped him.

It wasn't anger, then it was.

Tony had as he recovered given him back more and more access to the labs, the workshop and even the suits, even though Friday still had strict protocols in place to keep him from even setting a hand into a gauntlet. But that didn't keep Rhodey from getting a hand on the data streams, especially the data streams from the airport fight.

And a fight was what followed.

"How could you do this to me?" He yelled louder and threw another screwdriver across the worktop table, "How could you do this! Answer me!" Tony ducked away from a thrown piece of armor and then held up his hands.  
"I had no other choice!" He screamed right back, "I needed to stop it before anyone got hurt even more!"

"Yeah, well, look how that turned out!" Rhodey snarled and stabilized himself against the table, breathing heavily, they had been turning in circles for half an hour already, Tony flinched and made a move to get to him, "Don't come closer right now or I swear I will do something we will both regret. I trusted you to keep your head where it belonged! I trusted you to at least keep from falling into this stupid rage long enough to not state such an order against our own team!!"

"He was fighting against us!"

"NO HE WASN'T!" Rhodey roared and Tony froze, more from his anger and less because of the actual words, "Sam was doing exactly what I was doing! Tiring the other one out! He kept us distracted so that Rogers and Barnes could go and we know by now that they had a good reason to get to Siberia and I am sick that we are not talking about this! Sam didn't want to hurt anybody and we've had training simulations more brutal than that! He wanted to help and YOU WANTED TO SHOT HIM FROM THE SKY!"

"I wanted to make him a glider!" Tony protested, getting louder himself now, "I know the wings, Rhodey! I know what I was doing, I know that Vision knew where to hit to just take out the jet pack, he would have been able to glide to the ground. I know that Sam trained to do just that in an emergency. He wouldn't have gotten hurt! He would have not become another Riley!" It was a low blow, one that Tony didn't do on purpose if the hands he suddenly slapped over his mouth were any indication.

But it still hurt.

"You don't get to speak his name! You don't even get to think along those thoughts! Vision could have hit Sam wrong, he could have taken out a wing, damaged them too much. And if Sam had dropped, there would have been no suit to protect him. SAM WOULD HAVE DIED! AND YOU RISKED IT! Would you have gone after him like you after me? Like Sam died? Would you have tried to save him?"

"Rhodey..."

"Would you have? Answer me!"

"Yes." Tony answered him, quiet and calm again, "Yes, I would have. I would have pushed myself just like I pushed myself to catch you. Sam was my friend, and I know what he means to you, I did not want him to get hurt. I didn't want any of this to happen."

"You made me into another Riley." Rhodey told him, quieter but colder now, looking right into pained brown eyes, "Sam and I had one great fear in common, and that was seeing another person we love fall and being unable to do anything. And you knew. You knew and you still risked it, and it doesn't matter who fell in the end, you hurt both of us. The difference is, I can move on, I have these braces that once I get the strength back will make it look like I never had an accident in the first place if I keep them covered up. I can heal from this, but Sam?"

"I'm sorry, Rhodey, you have to believe me I never meant for any of this..." Tony apologized and Rhodey nodded, once not more, and then there was silence between them, at least until Rhodey broke it again.

"Why did you shoot him? When you were down on the ground? All he wanted was to help! He had just watched me fall, and for the second time in his life he was too slow to catch the person he cared about. He had to have been terrified, he must have thought he killed me by ducking! And you shot him!"

"I didn't think..."

"Yeah, maybe take some time now to think because I'm going to DC." Rhodey declared and grabbed the crutches, moving away from the table, Tony's head snapped over to watch him.  
"You're what?" He wanted to know, shocked and half panicked and scared, it had by far not been their first fight, god no, they were both too stubborn for that, but it had been an ugly one.

And Rhodey needed air.

"I have some things to do. Things I can't do over the phone. Happy will drive me. See you in a few days, Tony." And with those last words he left the workshop that was positively trashed. He hadn't meant to blow up so bad, but his heart was still racing with anger and panic and so much fear, all that chaotic mess of emotions he had felt since he had convinced Friday to listen to the date streams from the airport fight and had heard Tony's order to Vision.

He needed some days to breathe, he needed to see something else than the same cold walls for a few days, he just needed to get ouf of the facility.

\--

Happy drove him to DC, drove him to Arlington and then promised to wait in the car while Rhodey slowly made his way up the rows of graves until he could sink to his knees in front of Riley's gravestone.

And cry.

Cry for the very first time since everything that had made him happy had been ripped out of his hands again. The team, the suit, Sam. Everything so far out of his reach now.

And he cried and sobbed for the promises he could not hold. A year ago he had knelt in the same damn spot, and he had promised Riley that whatever happened, he would make sure that Sam and him got home in the end, that even if they got hurt they would have each others backs and that none of them would be alone.

And now they were. Alone. Betrayed, hurt and alone.

\--

When he returned to the facility two days later, still red-eyed and suffering from a light cold that he had caught by kneeling in the rain for hours at Riley's grave, Tony just hugged him. Hugged and held on for a long time.

And then they talked and moved on.

No point in looking back, look ahead and fix your mistakes. 

They were both good in fixing what other people had already given up on, each other was the best example. And together they might just be strong, stubborn and inventive enough to even fix the Avengers.

And Rhodey swore to himself to bring Sam home.

A new promise made to Riley, one he would fulfill, one he would not break. Sam was coming home.

\--

Rhodey was, despite all hilarious new nicknames and blessed mailmen, not in the least impressed or excited about Rogers' package. He handed the letter back to Tony only half read, he wasn't going to accept anything but an apology face to face, a real apology, one that Rogers meant and could present as such. He hated the stupid phone and the idea behind it because it was easy to see how it drove Tony crazy.

After all these weeks they had spend moving on and recovering and working through the events that had gone down, it suddenly felt like the day after Siberia all over again.

And no word about Sam. Not a single one, of course not, as if Rogers would care about them being worried about Sam or the others. As if Rogers would be interested to let Rhodey know that Sam was okay or not okay.

"You're tense today." Helen noted quietly and Rhodey snorted, leaning his head back on the examination gurney, eyes staring up at the white ceiling of the facility's medical wing, "Did something happen?" Helen continued and rearranged the CAT scanner over his right leg.  
"Tony got a package, from Rogers." Rhodey answered and Helen looked up at him, surprised and blinking, "Yeah, didn't see that coming either. He's been grumbling since this morning."

"Do you have any ideas where they could be?" Helen asked and started the scanner up, Rhodey tried to relax and let the buzzing sound soothe him.  
"Hunches. Guesses. Suspicions." Rhodey said and shrugged, Helen lightly slapped his thigh in warning not to move too much, "Sorry." Helen hummed and reached up to squeeze his shoulder.  
"Not a lot to go on." She summarized his rather one worded explanation and Rhodey grimaced into her direction, watching how she quickly swiped her fingers over the tablet before settling it down on the table again.

"Tony is actively trying to push everyone into looking where they won't be. Friday is tracking a lot of things around the world." He told her in a second try and Helen sat down on the chair by his head, mildly shocked.  
"He's really looking into it? He found them?" She looked at him with wide eyes and Rhodey very carefully brought up a hand to make a vague gesture.

"He volunteered to guide the search so other people won't look. Friday and Vision are better equipped to deal with this than any staff member with a computer at the CIA, MI6 or any other agency. Friday has strict orders and routines implanted to calculate possible places the wanted Avengers could be, and then generates a list of places where they won't be. And that list goes to Ross and his milia troups." He let his voice become a little harder in the end, "Friday keeps those list to herself, neither Tony nor I, not even Vision have access. Deniability. It's working so far."

"So, still hope left that this can be fixed?" She wanted to know and Rhodey smiled, the CAT scanner beeped and Helen got up to move it over to his left leg, reaching back for the table to take a first look at the results.  
"Hopefully, it all comes down to politics again." They made a face each other, both of them not really the biggest fans of the higher ups. Neither of them likes the big talks and long unnecessary speeches.

Helen set the scanner back to work and then sat back down in her chair, grinning now and Rhodey raised an eyebrow, "Hope for Sam and you, hm?"  
"I'll never give up on him." Rhodey smiled at her, and Helen leaned down to kiss his cheek, "Got anything planned for tonight? Girlfriend coming into town?" He teased and she laughed.  
"Actually, she is, and yes, we were planning on going out for dinner and drinks. You should join us." Helen offered, "Let us take you out to say thank you for introducing us." Rhodey grinned and nodded, looking forward to seeing something else again than the facility grounds for once.

\--

Rhodey signed for the package on a Tuesday, the day didn’t mean anything, could have been any other one, it wouldn’t make a different and he couldn’t understand just why his brain found it so important to keep reminding him of it.

The package came from the government, CIA and FBI and Homeland Securities having their prints clustered all over it. And his stomach turned when he carried it down into his little workshop at the Facility, suddenly knowing all too well what had to be inside. Seemed tech had let them be more curious than just a simple Vibranium Shield that was locked away in the weapon's room in the basement now.

His suspicion got confirmed when he cut the top open and pulled the sides of the box back, revealing the clearly taken apart parts of Sam’s wings. Bastards. All of them.   
And then something buzzed, somewhere in the depth of the box, hidden beneath the wings pack, and Rhodey’s heart lept into his throat. Oh no, they didn’t.

They did.

After unpacking every gear and item belonging to the technology behind the wings, Rhodey whined very quietly and then carefully picked up a sad and scared buzzing Redwing. Whose noise turned into a frantic and terrified beeping when he became aware of being lifted, engines fired up if weakly so and lights got flashing.

“Hey, hey.” Rhodey soothed and cursed those stupid government suits to all hells, “Hey, buddy, it’s okay, it’s okay.” And he brought Redwing up until the cameras were level with his face, Redwing froze, all sounds stopping. Only to fire up again in doubled the strength, changing fear to pure excitement as he beeped happily and roared his engines.

Rhodey smiled and let go of him, letting Redwing zoom up and soar around him, flying in circles around the small room, up and down and almost chirping.

“Yeah, buddy, you’re home.”

\--

Redwing refused to leave him out of sight in the next few days, always circling around him, hovering over his shoulder or resting on the closest flat surface when Rhodey was actually sitting down for longer than five minutes. He flew by his side during his physio training, he went down to the offices with him when he needed to talk to the staff on hand. He went out with him on walks, short as they were still.

After two nights, Tony even brought the charging station into Rhodey's bedroom, setting it up right next to his bed, muttering about being done with the endless whining and crying bird noises.  
"Separation anxiety." Tony chirped as he set the charging dock on the unused second nightstand on the other side of the bed, Redwing, having flown into the room after Tony, was by then hovering right over Rhodey's head where he had sat up in bed, contently buzzing. "Read about it. Common sign in children who went through traumatic experiences is an increased need to be close to what they deem safe, parents, guardians, parental figures, you get the gist."

Rhodey dragged a hand over his face and then looked over to Tony's smug impression, "Did you seriously read child psychology articles to analyse Redwing's behavior?"  
"No." Tony protested and slowly walked around the bed again, "I read up on that after Dummy didn't leave me alone for a second after Malibu." He explained and Rhodey sighed, even though he felt endeared by it, "Goodnight, honey-bear. Goodnight, Redwing!" He got an enthusiastic noise for his wave and manners and then Tony closed the door, casting the room back into darkness.

Everything was silent for a moment, until Redwing buzzed with a questioning kind of sound and clicked on the spotlight, illuminating the pillow on the right side of the bed. Rhodey closed his eyes and a took breath.

"One night. You're staying on the bed only for one night. Tomorrow we're gonna find a better solution."

Redwing gave a happy chirp and then soundlessly lowered himself onto the pillow, spotlight clicking off.

It was Sam's pillow.

\--

They found a solution.

It included stepping into Sam's rooms for the first time since he had left.

Redwing flying around and then happily settling down on the place up on the closet next to the bed where Sam had created some kind of nest around the charging station, a good place with a good view around the room and down the tarmac of the base.

Redwing was visibly content and happy with the old familiar situation while Rhodey felt like he had been punched in the gut as he looked around the rooms. Everything was like he remembered it, and why wouldn't it be, Tony had resolutely refused to give Ross's men access to the private quarters of the Avengers who had gone rogue. There was a line and it wouldn't get crossed, not after they had heard about the order to shoot on sight.

Tony and Rhodey would have never agreed on that.

There was still unfolded laundry in the basket on the couch, still socks neatly lined up on the couch table to be rolled into pairs. The bed was unmade, some clothes thrown around on it in the haste that Sam had used to pack his bags to fly out with Steve to Carter's funeral. And get away from them.

"I'm gonna bring him home." Rhodey said when Redwing appeared in his peripheral vision again some minutes later, he hadn't even realized that he had sat down on the edge of the bed, his hands holding a discarded red hoodie. "I promise you, I'm gonna bring him home." Redwing hummed and dove under the still messy bedsheet, "Yeah, I miss him, too."

\--

"Separation anxiety is sometimes followed by violent bursts of anger, which can sometimes manifest in temper tantrums."

"Thanks, Friday!" Rhodey hissed, shoving Tony further under the table, ignoring the loud booming laughter from his best friend as they hid for cover from the ongoing attacks. "This really isn't funny." He snapped at his best friend but Tony wheezed and then crumbled against the ground, laughing even louder.

"Your sentient bot bird... throwing a.... temper tantrum?" Tony struggled to get the words passed his lips, "Best experience in ages." Rhodey rolled his eyes and dared to glance out from under the kitchen table but the little guy raced by him and sent another glass crashing to the ground so that he quickly ducked back under the table.

"Vision, can't you do something!" He called out and winced when another crash sounded, Vision's footsteps were light on the ground and it was difficult to track him.  
"I do not want to hurt him." He spoke up though and Tony and Rhodey both looked to their left, spotting the android standing by the armchair, "He is in pain and scared. He is in deep concern for Mister Wilson, I do believe he heard about the shoot on sight orders."

Redwing let out a huge whail and Tony flinched, Rhodey glared at him.

"I told you to keep the work from the damn living room, he catches onto things." He whispered urgently and Tony huffed.  
"I am sorry, okay? Won't happen again, gonna toddler prove it all. Friday, get that into the rules, no sensitive work if the toddler is around." Rhodey glared harder at him for the sarcasm, but Tony simple raised a challenging eyebrow at him.

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous." Rhodey declared after a few seconds and then bonked his head on the table as he crawled out from under it again. Avoiding the glass shards, he got to his feet and planted himself in the middle of Redwing's circle of destruction. "Stop it. Right now!" He snapped, Redwing wailed louder but stopped right in front of him, engines roaring and sounding like angry panting, "I worry for him, too. I'm scared as well but angrily lashing out doesn't get us anywhere. Look at me, Redwing!"

The bot stopped his wailing and hovered more quietly.

"I will bring him home, safe and sound. No one will hurt him, I swear to you, do you hear me? Sam will come back." Redwing gave a sad little noise and dipped his nose down, Rhodey sighed and stepped forward to gently pet him, "I know, I miss him, too, very very much. Just give me a little time, okay? Now go and get Dummy to help you clean this up." Redwing bumped his nose gently against Rhodey's temple and then flew off.

"Why are you getting my innocent kids involved in this?" Tony wanted to know and then groaned when he got out from under the table.  
"Your innocent kids? Remind me again what did Dummy do when Peter left his sketchbook for the projects down in the workshop last week?" Rhodey asked and walked over to the couch, passing by Vision who seemed deep in inner conversation with Friday again. Tony huffed, following him.

"He is traumatized, it was a scared reaction. He apologized to Pete and helped him make a new sketchbook." He pointed out and then sank down into the couch next to Rhodey, "Do...It's not gonna be easy, bringing him back home."  
"I know." Rhodey said and dragged a hand over his face, choosing to watch the ceiling instead of his best friend's face, feeling Tony's eyes on his own.

"You know that Wilson might not come back without Rogers. Are you ready for that?" Tony asked then and Rhodey rolled his head to the side, looking back at brown eyes.  
"I don't know...I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Rogers for what he has done to you. I just...I want Sam back home, back here with me. I want him to be safe again. I'll deal with whatever consequences that brings with itself." He told Tony quietly and Tony reached out to push an arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer and against his shoulder.

"You're way braver than I am." Tony said quietly and they watched how Redwing flew back into the room, Dummy behind him, holding a broom, "I can welcome Sam back, with open arms even. I would sleep better if I knew where Nat was, if I knew that Wanda and even god annoying Barton were safe wherever they are, but Rogers? I think even years from today it'll be too early to live in the same building as him again."

\--

Tony ducked and Rhodey grimaced before shouting a quick "Sorry" over to his friend. Tony snorted and plugged Redwing out of the air, bringing him with him as he walked over to the kitchen table.

"You know, usually it's paper planes and not sentient robot bords with could potentially really harm a person." He heard Tony say as he sat down across from him and handed a loudly beeping Redwing back to him.  
"I think he hates me." Rhodey groaned and then elaborated when Tony raised both eyebrows, "Hates me for abandoning Sam." He added and set Redwing on the table, only to quickly pin him down with a hand again when the red bird bot made to take off once more.

"When you approached me for some last ideas and a kickass paintjob, I didn't exactly expect the little guy to come out at least half alive. He's got more emotions showing in his actions than Dummy, Jarvis and Friday combined, even before you upgraded him again." Tony pointed out, smiling and patting Redwing's left wing, "You did all of that yourself, honey-bee. You always told me that Dummy, Butterfingers and U behave like me in many aspects, well Mister, looks like I can finally rub that back in your face, genius. Maybe Redwing hates you for abandoning Sam, but that's only because you do so yourself."

"I don't like it when you're making sense." Rhodey grumbled and let go of Redwing, who staid put, so he leaned down until he could place his chin on his hands.  
"You know I'm here if you need to talk, right?" Tony offered and Rhodey whined, hiding his face against Redwing's right wing. Redwing clicked and floated closer to Tony though, "Roles reversed sucks, huh? Come on, Rhodey."

He sighed and then took a deep breath before raising his head up again, back straight.

"Don't hate yourself." Tony said before he could have even opened his mouth though, "We all made mistakes, we all have to face the consequences now, but we also need to start moving past this. Forgiving each other what happened and had been done, for that it's way too early, but we need to start forgiving ourselves."

"Your therapist deserves a medal of honor." Rhodey pointed out and Tony rolled his eyes, smiling when Redwing butted a head against his hand.  
"Look at us, we're talking, no more avoiding the problem. Maybe that's a real sign for things to start getting better. You want to hear good news?" Tony grinned suddenly and Rhodey nodded, "I got something that will ultimately take yours and Redwing's thoughts off of dear old Wilson for a while, or at least turn them into a happier direction."  
"What did you do?" Rhodey wanted to know warily because Tony's last cheer up gesture had included a lot of confetti that Rhodey was still pulling out of his laundry.

"I finished something. You ready for take off, War Machine?"

\--

Being back up in the air?

Felt like coming alive.

\--

There were really bad days, too. Especially after the braces made it possible for him to move freely again, after he got used to them and worked up the strength to walk more than just ten minutes at a time. His head started to go into darker directions, because it had the time and the energy now.

He got angry. He got down.

Angry at Vision. Angry at Tony. Most of all angry at Roger's stubborness. Angry at Barnes. Angry at Natasha.

Even angry at Sam.

And he got angry at himself. A lot of times, angry for not having been able to talk to Sam while everything around and between them had fallen apart. For not seeing a way out now. A way to get Sam back home, to stop those bastards at the CIA and FBI from hunting him down.

He didn't lash out, he kept his anger to himself, brooded inside his quarters and tried to find solutions where there were none. There was still no easy way to fix it all. The government wanted Roger's head served on a silver platter to them for everything he had done as the leader of the Avengers and the vigilante he had then turned into. And Sam was still his closest accomplice.

The politicians couldn't touch Barnes anymore, too sensitive was the topic of a tortured former American Hero. Rogers was a free shot. Rhodey understood the government officials, understood the international pressure they were under, even if he didn't agree with the measures and steps they were taking now to get to their goal.

Tony was walking on a very razor sharp edge with his concealment of facts about Rogers' and Sam's whereabouts, and as much as Rhodey was grateful for it, he was maybe even more worried. Worried about what would happen if Ross found out about it, because if Tony ended up on the Raft, then things were done, over, finite. No more resources.

He thought about asking Friday for the coordinates sometimes in those moments where he was down, curled up around Sam's pillow that no longer smelled like him. Just go right out and plead with her to have Sam's location, grab a jet and fly out. 

He could fly out and talk to him. Convince him to come home with him. 

But he couldn't. All Sam would get if he came home now was a direct trip back to the Raft, and Rhodey couldn't let that happen.

\--

Darlene Wilson was a woman you really didn't want to cross or face on her bad side, polite and warm and so kind, but also fiercely protective of her children. If you went against them, you went against her, and you really didn't want to do that.

Rhodey had met her once already. He had accompanied Sam one afternoon to his mother's apartment in Harlem, they had enjoyed delicious food and he had been watched the entire time, until in the end when Sam had said goodbye to his nephew, Darlene had pulled Rhodey to the side. She had told him that he better not ever hurt her son and instead keep making him as happy as he did now.

It had been more or less the moment where Rhodey had realized that whatever casual agreement they had, it hadn't been enough anymore. Three days later he had had the conversation with Tony.

So as he walked towards the small coffee shop in Harlem, it felt like he had to prepare himself for the worst. 

Darlene waited for him inside, sitting in a back corner table, holding a mug of steaming hot coffee and watching her grandson enthusiastically devor a plate of cookies. Rhodey approached her with his head ducked down and his hands stuck in the pockets of his jackets.

"Nah, none of that, boy!" Darlene called out when he had stopped next to her table, "Back straight, chin up, sit down, James." He sat down and then felt all tension bleed out of his bones when Darlene smiled and reached out to pat his hand, smiling herself. "Now tell me about my son."

\--

The turning point came on a Friday evening, Rhodey and Redwing were relaxing with some National Geographic in the living room, when Tony stormed into the room, dragging Vision on a sleeve behind himself.

"Friday, turn off the TV!" He yelled and Redwing fired up his engines when the screen went black, all ready to launch himself up into the air, but Rhodey grabbed him and turned around, glaring at Tony for his disturbance. They had had fun.  
"What is on fire now?" He wanted to know, Vision looked no less confused as he was finally let go and could brush his sleeve straight again.

Tony laughed and then twirled, and then chuckled and took a running start to throw himself onto the couch next to Rhodey, Redwing wriggled and complained until Rhodey let go of him, flying over to Vision and hiding behind him. 

"I won!"

"A lifetime supply of sugar?" Rhodey deadpanned at his hyped up best friend who grinned all over his face and couldn't sit still for even a second, bouncing up and down, "What did you win, Tony?"

"I won against Ross!"

And silence.

"All these stupid fights and arguments and all these meetings and hearings, everything played out just like I needed it. I got the governments back on my side of things! King T'Challa and I got them to agree to a changed version, an improved version of the Accords!" Tony was yelling and then jumping to his feet again and dragging Rhodey up as well who could only stare at him, "They'll drop the charges against Barton, Maximoff, Lang and Sam! Rogers will still have to hold himself responsible for a lot of things but they're free! No one is going to put them back on the Raft, honey-pot!!"

Rhodey's brain was assaulting him with too many things at once to comprehend it all right away, but one thing stood out, one thing cut a clear line right to his heart.

"Sam...Sam can come home?" He asked and Tony nodded, he threw himself forward and hugged Rhodey, turning them in a circle.  
"And Ross faces an international led investigation over his actions and god Rhodey, if I can get the right people onto this, we can take him down for good. Get him slapped with a lawsuit that reaches back to Bruce and all that shit in Harlem. I fucking won! We won!!" Tony cheered and from behind Vision Redwing made a few clicking noises.

"Yes!" Tony agreed and whirled away from Rhodey again, "Yes, buddy. Sam is coming home!"

Sam was coming home. Sam could come home. He would see Sam again.

Rhodey felt everything inside of him turn into warm hope and joy while Tony grinned so bright and happy and Redwing cheered and raced around their heads.

"This is a cause for celebration." Tony announced and swung himself over to the bar, patting Vision's arm as he passed by him, Vision smiled, small but there and Rhodey knew that he was probably hoping to see Wanda again, "Do we have any of that..." But Tony was interrupted by his phone going off, Tony grabbed it from his pockets and kept on rummaging around the shelves, only to stop when he glanced at the display.

"Who is it?" Rhodey wanted to know and still couldn't tense, he was too happy, good news, such good news, he would call Darlene or text Sarah, let them know that the charges would be dropped, that Sam could come home and see them again.  
"It's Nat..." Tony said and then looked over to him just as he accepted the call, "Hi, Natasha....Miami? Why would you need us in Miami?"

\--

If you went out with a bang, you went back in with an even greater one.

But when the fighting was done, he had Sam back.

\--

He never wanted to stop holding Sam again, never wanted to stop kissing him, looking at him, touching him.

They were going home. Together. Sam and him.

"It's real, isn't it?" Sam asked where they were sitting in the back of the Quinjet, listening to Natasha and Barton talk in one corner, Wanda and Vision smiling at each other in another, and Tony's and Steve's awkward silence in the cockpit only interrupted by Redwing's angry beeping. Rhodey chuckled and leaned back against the wall, tightening his arms around Sam, who was sitting in between his legs, leaned back against Rhodey's chest, eyes closed.

"Yeah, it's very real." He replied quietly, dropping another kiss onto Sam's head, Sam hummed and turned his head sideways, pressed his ear over Rhodey's heart, his hands holding onto Rhodey's on his stomach.  
"We're never going to let them take this away from us." Sam pointed out and Rhodey nodded against his neck, "No matter what happens, we will talk, no more damn running, I won't lose you again, I promise you that."

"I promise you that, too."

Sam twisted around in his hold and moved to kneel between his legs, leaning down to crash his lips back to Rhodey's, like he had done several times already in the last half an hour since take off. Brown eyes looked at him, roaming over his skin as he needed to be sure that Rhodey was really there and not hurt, even though it was him with the cuts and the burns and the scratches. 

"I'm okay, I'm not the one who got hurt." Rhodey told him and reached up to stroke over his cheeks, cupping his face with both warm hands, "I love you. And I should have told you that so much sooner, I love you so much, Sam."   
"I love you, too." Sam replied and they kissed again, ignored the cooing from all around them, it didn't matter who saw, they were back with each other.

So happy.

The future could come, with good and bad times, with challenges and hardships, they were more than ready for it. They had found each other again after the world had pulled them apart, twice already.

No matter what happened, they would always find their way back to each other.

"Redwing, stop yelling at Steve!" Sam called over when the beeping got a bit too loud and reached even their happy bubble, "Be nice to your uncles." And they both started snickering. Sam fell back into Rhodey's arms, and they laughed.

It felt so good to go home.

\--


	3. Epilogue - Riley

The grass was so soft under her feet and giggled when it tickled her toes, wriggling them again she giggled louder and made another step. At home the grass was not so soft and not so green, Papa always complained that Daddy cut it too short during the summer.

She had no idea what all that meant, she just liked the grass here in the funny park. It was funny because there were all these white stones and Papa always told her she had to be silent and on her best behavior because this was a special place.

They always went to the same white stone, and she had asked so many times already why they couldn't choose another white stone the next time they came to visit. There were so many here. But Daddy had explained her that this white stone was special to them and that when she was older they would explain. There was a lot they would explain when she was older.

For now she giggled again and skipped back over to where her Papa and her Daddy were kneeling by the white stone, talking quietly. She bumped against her Papa's back and shrieked when he grabbed her and pulled her over his shoulder onto his knees, positioning her just so that she could look at the stone as well.

It had her name on it.

But Riley Wilson-Rhodes knew that it wasn't for her.

There was another Riley. Another Riley her Papa and her Daddy loved very much.

Uncle Riley.

But Uncle Riley wasn't the stone, the stone just stood for him. Uncle Riley wasn't around anymore. He was flying above the clouds, with the stars and the moon.

And someday, Riley would fly too. 

Until she could reach for the sky.


End file.
